Wanna Buy A Duck?

A lot of my kindness tricks of the trade just don't work where we are right now. Here, EVERYONE stops for pedestrians in the cross walk. Waiting in line at the grocery store, politeness abounds. “You go ahead” “No you go, I'm in no hurry.” As for people interupting their conversations so they can answer their cell phones, or talk loudly on it while waiting in line for their latte, those dang gadgets don't work here. There is even a van driving around town with “practice kindness” painted on it.

This being a lobstering town primarily, there is a fair amount of strife that is associated with a trade so heavily dependent on the economy and the whims of nature. In recent years there was even a shooting among lobstermen over a disagreement of territory. But it seems that, in general, it is essential and understood that folks need to be kind order to live a small commmunity where every person knows each other.

So, what am I to do, besides pick up trash? Which, by the way is a practice I do believe makes my family unique among the tourists here. How about buy a duck? A rubber one that is, a fundraiser for the school. This Saturday there will be a race of the ducks as the tide comes in. The owner of the winning duck gets a fabulous prize of some sort, and you don't even have to be present to win. This is good, because the race is in the afternoon and we are heading home that morning.

Keeping it Beautiful

Not very exciting, but my husband took a walk and cleaned up some pices of trash today. Not to be out done, I also picked a bag of it on a separate walk later in the day. Even my son picked up a bottle cap off the ground in town, but he did have some unkind words (under his breath) about the boy he saw throw it there.

The truth is, being is such an amazingly beautiful place inspires us to want to keep it that way, blog or no blog.

Remember to Wave

The island where we are staying for the week is a lobstering village off the coast of Maine. It is a small tight knit community where the all the year round residents know each other. One of the first things we noticed when we started coming here over 15 years ago is the “wave.” Everyone waves at each other. The wave from the car looks almost reflexive. Hand resting on the top of the steering wheel, lifted at the wrist for each and every passing car, pedestrian or bicyclist. There appears to be no exceptions.

I imagine for the residents, it actually is a reflex. But for some of us summer visitors it takes a conscience effort to remember to wave. I try hard, but each time I forget, I feel rude. “Damn summer people” I imagine the driver saying as we pass, him waving at me, and me not being able to get my hand up fast enough in response.

No single act of kindness. It is a sustained effort today and throughout the week, doing the wave.

Flowers Anonymous

We were walking through town, my husband, my sons and I, looking for a place to have lunch. In a couple hours we were going to take the ferry to the small island where we would be spending the week. In my hand was a bouquet of flowers, ready to be given to a stranger. Just who that would be was yet to be determined. Complicating my mission was the fact the rest of my family was walking about five paces ahead, apparently embarrassed by, well, me. They communicated clearly that they were not willing participants in my adventure.

Trying to be mindful of their discomfort, I dropped back even more. But then I found that their unease was catching. The thought of handing flowers to a stranger on the street was starting to make me feel shy. Deciding that I was on vacation and should be feeling no stress from kindness, I ducked into a cafe. There I left the flowers on a table with a note for the finder, wishing him or her well, and with hopes that the flowers would brighten his or her day.

I caught up to the family and assured them that the flower giving was truly anonymous. We were off to a kind and embarassment free start to our vacation.

The Net Benefit of Kindness

Heading out tomorrow for vacation for a week. Going to an island off the coast Maine, where the beauty is unlimited, but the cell phone coverage and internet access is sparse. So I will be acting kindly each day and writing about it, but I won't be able to post every day. Also, Sunday is the 27th, which I have declared you may remember, Give Flowers to a Stranger Day. However, where we are heading there is nothing open on Sunday, and I don't even know if there is any place to buy flowers. There are many beautiful flowers growing, but I would have to cut them from some one's yard. And that wouldn't be kind. So I will be celebrating the holiday tomorrow....Feel free to celebrate whenever it works for you as well.

What did I do that was kind today? I bought a net for my son's friend at the lake we where we were swimming for the afternoon. After returning to our blanket, I noticed it was broken. I brought it back to the concession stand where I got it less 5 minutes earlier, only to be told that there was no return policy, which, to be fair was posted. I negotiated with the proprietor, quite kindly I must say, and was able to convince her (and it wasn't easy) that she should exchange my broken net for a new one. I am certain that, had my manner been anything less than kind and respectful, I would have been out of luck and out of a net.

That's the net benefit of being kind.

Blog Material?

We bought new bikes for our sons this week. Today we had the boys deliver their old ones to the neighbor kids who are a few years younger than our guys. My older son asked “Is that our act of kindness for the day?” And I said “Not everything we do nice is blog material. We gave them your bikes two years ago too.”

However, as 8 pm rolls around and a review of my day reveals no other memorable acts of kindness, I’m going to take this one. And I am happy to hear the blog is taking over my kid’s thoughts as well as my own.

The Essential Kind Act of Summer

It is an act of summer kindness that is a rule. If you see kids running a lemonade stand in their yard, you must purchase a cup.

I felt fortunate today for the opportunity to comply with this rule. And the young entrepreneurs were grateful. Especially since I apparently was the first customer of the day that was not a relative. I didn't have the heart to tell them that their potential for business was greatly diminished by their two overly friendly yellow labs one had to get by in order to get to the stand. Also by the fact that their street was closed to thru traffic because of construction.

Hopefully there were plenty of thirsty relatives in the neighborhood.

Kindness at a Bargain Price

I bought my son hiking boots today. The price was marked 45.00, which was much more than I intended to pay, but it was hard finding the right size, and we needed them by this weekend.

When I brought them up to the counter they rang up as 24.00. I thought “What luck!.” But then I wondered if perhaps it was a mistake, and there might end up being consequences for the salesclerk. Employment in retail is often not a bastion of kindness. It seemed unkind to chance trouble for her so I could save 20 bucks, so I pointed out the price sticker on the box. The one that said “Our Price 45.00.” She explained that that wasn't really the price.

It made absolutely no sense to me, but I wasn't going to argue. Personal benefit or doing what's right? Sometimes it's not an easy choice but my husband will be glad to know that I did the right thing AND still got the cheaper price.

Random Acts of Unkindness

I was at the grocery store today when the cashier, noticing the long line that was forming, announced that there was another express line for people with just a few items. Apparently the man in front of me didn't like something about the way she said it and responded rudely to her. I'm not exactly sure what he said but I could see the shock on her face. I tried to think of words to make up for his and ended up with something along the weak line of “Don't worry about him, he was just rude.” She said “Oh I don't care, he was a jerk.” But I could tell by her expression and the way she looked toward where he had walked away, that it really did bother her.

I said a while back that one fun thing about writing this blog is that people like to tell me their stories about when strangers have been kind to them or vice versa. I'm also realizing that people tend to tell me about times when they have encountered unkind strangers. And that those experiences stay with us as vividly as the random acts of kindness. A friend recounted the other day about when she and her husband slowed down in a parking lot to admire a good looking dog and the person in the car behind them said “Move your car you f***** a******” That experience, and the feelings associated with it, will never be forgotten.

So it seems, whether it is relatively quick act of kindness or a brief flash of thoughtlessness, the effect on others is just as profound.

It's Raining Kindness

Last weekend I stood in the pouring rain for 6 hours for a concert my husband wanted to see. I did not count that as an act of kindness because I said that supporting your spouse's desire to see the Eagles once in his lifetime is just something you do when you're married. Instead my act of kindness that day involved the bathroom (see “How Do You Spell Relief," June 13th).

Not this time. It's Father's Day. My husband asked that the four of us go for a short family hike. Seemed easy enough. As we drove toward the trail head, it was getting darker. And darker. Thunder rumbled. Lightning flashed. “Maybe this isn't a good idea” I said. “It will be fun to walk in the rain” came the reply in three part harmony.

Off we went, me outvoted. It started out as a sprinkle. Not too bad I agreed. The sprinkle turned to rain. The rain turned to torrential downpour. The thunder was no longer distant; it was right on top of us. For most of the two miles, it felt as if someone had turned a hose on us.

As we returned to the car, three members of the hiking party whooped it up about how much fun it had been. The fourth member felt some consolation that she had committed her act of kindness for the day.

What You Do, Not What You Say

The four of us, my husband, my two sons and I went to the community garden to weed today. One son was pretty grouchy leaving the house, because what 11 year old wouldn't rather stay home on a Saturday morning, especially to go weed. I agreed with him that I actually didn't feel like going either, but this was a commitment we made.

When we got there, we met the new person who was hired to coordinate the garden. There could not of been a more perfect person to help us in our effort to engage the boys in community service. He gave them a project that required tossing rocks into a wheelbarrow, complete with a scoring system for when the rocks went in and when they missed. And he was entirely understanding of their desire (need) to create a competition for who could weed a row the fastest.

We stayed for about a half an hour, thinking that less was more, in terms of making sure this commitment is more fun than tedious. When I started this project nearly three months ago, a primary goal was that we, as family, would understand that being nice to others is something that is an action, not just something we say we do, and is part of our family routine. Today it felt like we are on our way.

More or Less Kind?

I have been making an effort to drive more kindly, letting people merge ahead of me, and stopping to allow folks to make left turns when they need to. In all honesty, I don't always remember and don't do it as much as I should, but certainly more than in the past.

On my way to work this morning there was quite a bit of traffic going both ways. I stopped to allow a car to turn left to enter the highway. However, there were two lanes of traffic and the folks in the right lane kept right on going. I assumed eventually someone else would stop to let him turn. I waited for what seemed a few minutes. It was probably less, and just felt longer as the car in back of me was honking his horn for me to keep moving. After the third honk I relented and moved on, shrugging apolgetically to the driver of the car who was still sitting in traffic trying to turn.

I am still wondering if I should have held my ground and ignored the horn. Or was my drive to be kind causing a traffic hazzard? Can kindness to one driver be less than kind to another?

Absence of Ideas

It was 5:30 tonight and I was still at work, no act of kindness to write about yet. I was starting to feel some pressure. My co-workers tried to be helpful. “What about absence of malice? Does that count?” “You kept a straight face and looked like you were listening at the meeting. That was very kind of you.” Perhaps if I were a couple hundred days into this I might consider those suggestions. But I'm only at day 79 (not that I'm counting). I'm not ready to scrape the bottom of the kindness barrel just yet. Perhaps when I hit 300...

When I got home, I remembered that I had not yet sent a note to my son's coach , thanking him for his infinite patience in coaching an entire season with the soccer version of the Bad News Bears. I had intended to do it several days ago but didn't get around to it, violating the thought action rule I know to be true, at least for me. A thought about doing something kind must be followed by the action of doing it in 24 hours or less, or it won't get done. I suspect that is true for many people.

So another card. Not very interesting, not at all creative, but not absence of malice either. Bring it on day 80.

To Be Kind or Not To Be Kind

Recently a colleague suggested that I write about when it's kind not to be kind. I've been waiting for an opportunity to present itself, and today it did. On the way home from an appointment my son and I stopped for ice cream. As we sat eating (he had blueberry and I had moose tracks) a woman with a cane, who had great difficulty walking, placed an order and then sat at the table next to us to wait, about 15 feet from the pick up window. I wondered if I should offer to retrieve her order for her. Would it seem offensive? Would she appreciate the help? How could I ask in a way that did not assume that she wanted or needed help? Could my effort to be kind actually be unkind?

Her number was called and she started to get up. I asked “Would you like me to get that for you?” and she replied “No, that's ok.”

That being the sum total of our exchange, I have no idea how my offer was interpreted.. She certainly didn't look offended. And I truly hope she wasn't.

A Slice of Kindness

Pizza is what we have when there isn't time, ingredients or ideas for dinner. Tonight it was also what to do when no new ideas for acts of kindness presented themselves. I made sure to buy a slice for the person who came in after us. It was an interesting response from the cashier who said “Are you sure you want to do this?” Which made my husband wonder if there was a chance she would simply keep the money for herself.

I trust that she didn't and that kindness prevailed.

The Year of the Card

The end of the school year means a lot of things. In terms of acts of kindness, it means thank you notes to the teachers who have helped our kids be the best they can be. Each year I intend to write something for every teacher. Some years I have, and others I am just so grateful for the year to be over and the start of summer that I don't get around to it. Not this time though! My husband and I sat with the stack in between us and got it done tonight. A year of kindness is definitely the year of the card.

How Do You Spell Relief? K-I-N-D-N-E-S-S

My husband has always wanted to see the Eagles in concert so last night, as a birthday present, we were there in the crowd. Besides the Eagles ( who didn't come out on stage with walkers as I suspected they might) there was also the Dixie Chicks and Keith Urban, none of whom I was overly interested in hearing. Now, I briefly considered this as an act of kindness, especially since it rained for the entire 6 hours we were there. But helping your spouse do something he has always wanted to do is just part of being in a relationship. And besides, I did sing along with most of the Eagles songs.

However, I believe I may have committed my most rewarding act of kindness yet.

Now, I hadn't been to one of these concerts in many years, so I had forgotten about the long wait to get into the ladies room. And the maddeningly non-existent lines for the men's room. So imagine my joy when I discovered a women's bathroom tucked around a corner away from the concessions... with no one waiting. At all. I couldn't believe my luck. Such was my joy that, on the way back to my seat, I stopped by one of the lines that was about 25 women deep and shared my discovery.

Never, in all my acts of kindness, have I felt so incredibly appreciated.

Buy Local and Quit Procrastinating

Buy local is sometimes more difficult than it seems. Maybe not more difficult, but not as convenient as stopping by a big store on the way home from work. I have pledged (to myself, not in another blog or anything of that sort) that I would support the Farmer's Market that started in our town last year. But getting there is not always as easy as I thought it would be. It's on Saturday mornings, when we usually have some sort of sports obligation. And it is in the opposite direction of anywhere we might be going or coming from.

Today was the first sports free Saturday since winter, so seemed like the time to make good on the promise to self. Except it was raining. And I didn't really feel like leaving the house.

But that ole' commitment to kindness thing kicked in, and off I went with my market basket. I was back home in less than 45 minutes (it is a very small farmer's market) with a jar of jam, a dozen eggs and plant for my garden. And I was reminded once again that actually doing something often takes much less time than the thinking about why it's not convenient to do.

Coffee for Blood

Giving blood is one of those things that can make you feel like a superstar. Not the part when they put the needle in and suck your blood out. That part isn't actually all that pleasant. But from the minute you walk until the last drop is in the bag, you are treated as if you are donating a million bucks. And then to top it off, you get cookies when its done. Today, they were also giving all donors a pound of coffee. So there was no doubt what my act of kindness would be today.

My blood and my coffee, good to the last drop.

Hoeing Seeds of Kindness

It was volunteer night at the community garden where my family and I have committed to helping over the summer. However, it was also soccer practice, so we had to divide up. I was elected to help in the garden since it was my idea in the first place. As the day went on, it became apparent to me that I was going to have a hard time keeping my commitment. I needed to drive a half hour from work to get there, then a half hour back to the city to meet some friends for dinner, leaving me only a half hour to actually work in the garden.. And it was raining. It really seemed to make no sense to go, and I started thinking maybe I could go on another night. But then, there was this semi-public commitment I made regarding an act of kindness a day....

So there I was, hoeing rows of weeds along with...no other volunteers. The only people there were the man in charge of the garden and the woman whose job it was to recruit volunteers. And if it weren't for this blog, I wouldn't have been there either. Sometimes things actually do work out as planned.

Our Favorite Pharmacist

I'm on a roll for thanking people for doing their job in the medical profession. Today I thanked someone for a kind deed from a long while ago.

My husband has type 1 diabetes and is dependent on insulin. If you're not familiar with this disease, dependent means your life literally depends on it. A few years back he had a doctor who didn't seem to be aware of this and repeatedly failed to call in his insulin refills to the pharmacy. As his supply dwindled and his anxiety rose, my husband made daily calls to the doctor's office, as did the pharmacist, Rob. I think that was the year when we put Rob on our speed dial.

With just two days of insulin left, Rob recognized the seriousness of the situation and gave him an extra vial, with a promise to keep calling the doctor. It was a long time ago, but I still remember the relief we felt. I see Rob in the pharmacy at least a couple times a month and I always think of that day. Today when I was there (picking up fluoride if details are required here) I told Rob that I remember this every time I see him. The truth is, it did feel a little odd bringing up something that happened so long ago, but he smiled and I can only hope he appreciated hearing it.

Eight years later and Rob is still our favorite pharmacist, but my husband has long since since changed doctors.

A New Found Appreciation for a Job Well Done

My sister recently told me that she brought some cookies to the staff at my parents doctor's office. She said that they had been helpful moving much needed forms through the nightmare of red tape in order to get my parents the medicine they needed. I remember thinking when she said it, well that's nice but they were really just doing their jobs. Thinking it through again, that seems a rather unkind thought for a very kind act.

Inspired, today I sent a card to my sons' pediatrician and the nurses at the office. This past year there have been a few times when we need their assistance, and were extremely grateful that we had their help navigating insurance and healthcare hurdles. Yes, they may have been just doing their jobs, but they did it efficiently, pleasantly, and acted as if what we needed were as important to them as it was to us.

Sometimes people “just do their job” so well that we take it for granted.

No Kindness for Fleas

About a month ago my son and I brought some dog food to the local animal pound. When we were there I asked the animal control officer what donations they needed most. She said besides money, flea and tick control. So today when I was at the vet picking up some up for our menagerie of three dogs and two cats, I got a couple to drop off at the pound as well. The technician told me it was buy six get two free. I'm pretty sure that “free” was a relative term here, but it helped to feel like I got a bargain on kindness.

Referees Are People Too

Another sports day and we spent most of the morning and early afternoon at my younger son's soccer tournament. My friend and I picked up some trash left by some enthusiastic, yet environmentally challenged young soccer players. This may have counted for today's act of kindness, but keeping with the theme of sportsmanship mentioned earlier this week, I did something I have been wanting to do for months.

After two seasons (winter and spring) of sitting with the same group of parents cheering our kids on, I finally, finally had the courage to ask one of the moms to stop berating the referee. I said it nicely, in a joking manner, but I was nervous. She responded, in a half joking manner back, that when it comes to her kid, she will always defend him. I then pointed out (don't worry, keep reading, we don't get into brawl or anything like that) in the same manner, that this particular referee she was harassing, was about 15 years old, 16 tops. Her son would be there soon enough and how would she feel about a parent yelling at him.

I might add, for details sake, that in addition to being a young guy, he was the only referee in the game. Prior to the start he had asked the parents to please signal when the ball went out on the side of the field where we were sitting, as it was was hard for him to see from the far side. I'm not sure of the relevance of this bit of information, other than he was really just a kid doing the best he could. Another bit that may or may not be pertinent is that my son's team has only won one game the whole season. And the team they beat had not won any games at all. We are really pretty far beyond blaming the referee for the team's shortcomings.

During the next game not a negative word was heard from the sidelines. Coincidence or successful kindness intervention? I'm not sure, but I'm glad I spoke up.

Conflicted Kindness

My older son had a lacrosse game today. My husband, younger son, and I were in the stands when a woman came by with her son, who looked about ten also, selling candy for a dollar. She prompted the boy, who clearly was uncomfortable, to ask us if we would buy one. My initial response was “no thank you," feeling as if we were being pressured to buy, but seeing the awkward little salesman made me remember my commitment to kindness. My husband gave my son a dollar to pick out a candy bar, so there was one person who definitely thought this was kind. My husband however, thought our act was brought on by our feeling obligated to give, and pointed out that we were not told, nor did we ask, what the benefit of the candy sale was.

A true act of kindness or one prompted by a feeling of obligation?

Guest on Kindness

Today is garbage and recycle day in my neighborhood. I stopped several times along my road on the way home from work to put bins out of the road and safely in their respective driveways. While I believe this does qualify as a kind act for the day, it isn't terribly interesting. So today I am hosting a guest blogger, my husband. He wrote this essay about eight years ago, which just goes to show my family has been pondering the kindness of strangers for some time now....


Sometimes, things happen to you that just set you aback a bit and make you pause in wonder. Sometimes, you can really believe in the goodness of human nature and the spirit of kindness.

Recently, I was on a quest to purchase some capes for my young sons who are currently in the superhero phase of childhood. The only capes I could find were plastic ones that would never stand up to the rigors of Batman battling Superman, at least not in my basement. After having searched far and wide, I finally decided that I would make them capes. Yes, this naïve father believed that he could sew simple capes for his sons.

I walked into Wal-Mart and got directions for the fabric center. Having only got lost once, I finally made it to Fabrics and followed the directions on the counter: Ring bell for service. I rang the bell and the saleswoman appeared to inquire how she could help me. After having listened to me ramble on about my ideas, she preceded to give me instructions about what I would need and how I would construct them. I’m afraid I interrupted her many times to ask ( and ask again) the most basic of questions. She took pity on me and ever so patiently explained everything so that I could take notes and make drawings. I thought I was all set and then I asked a final question: “What kind of needle should I use?”

The saleswoman looked at me with this incredulous stare. She replied,” You’re going to do this by hand?” My affirmative response caused her incredulity to melt into compassion. She said that she would purchase the material and make the capes for me by tomorrow. I couldn’t believe my good luck, but I couldn’t let her do this for me and I protested. She insisted saying that this is what the Christmas season was all about-- doing for others. When I asked about how much I could pay her, she responded, “Nothing, just pay the favor forward and help someone else who needs it.”

Driving home, I couldn’t believe what Sharon was doing for me and what she had said. Too often at this time of year, I find myself cynical and bemoaning how commercial everything has become. Sharon’s words and actions were the perfect antidote to my usual holiday blahs. Funny thing was, everyone who I told this to responded the same way.

When I returned to the store to pick up the capes, I discovered that Sharon had come back on her day off to be sure that I got them. She wrapped each cape up with festive paper and a nice bow. I asked her how much I owed her for the material and she presented me with a receipt for $7.38. As I started to take out my wallet, she said simply, “Donate the money to Salvation Army and give it to people who need it.” I was dumbstruck, thanked Sharon profusely, and left.

How to respond to such kindness and thoughtfulness? Is this level of humanity present in all of us, but only rises to surface in some during certain times? Sharon’s actions have given me a lot to think about. By making my sons’ capes, she has also given me a present to share with others.

Perfect Kindness

I recently said that I was crossing random acts of kindness involving children (see blog entry Kind of Creepy) off my list but I broke my vow today. I was in a store with bunch of balloons in hand when I saw a girl about 3 years old with her mom, looking longingly at my bouquet. I asked her mom's permission then let the girl pick out which one she wanted. It felt not at all creepy, and well kind of....kind.

Speaking of kindness, which of course is the point here, it has been heartening today to watch and read about Armando Galarraga's (pitcher for the Detroit Tigers) response to the umpires call which denied him the perfect game. I'm not sure if graciousness is the same as kindness, but they are, at the very least related. In a time when the stands of youth sports are filled with parents yelling at the umpire or the referee, or their kids, Mr. Galarraga gracious demeanor was uplifting and inspiring. A perfect game for a perfect gentleman.

My Ten Year Old Teacher

When I met my 10 year old son at the door today as he came home from school, he announced that he had done a kind deed that needed to be written about in the blog. He told me that he had bought his friend a cookie at lunch, since his friend didn't have any money for one.

His school lunch is on a debit system; he gives the cashier his PIN number and it is deducted from the account---the one that we put lunch money in every month. I was quick to point out that “his” account is the money the “we” put in for “his” lunch, not his friends snacks. And I was even quicker to regret that this was what I chose to focus on. I've been writing about kindess for over two months now, yet I failed to recognize a genuine kind act, right from the heart, when it was presented to me.

Shifting gears as best as I could, I told him how proud I was of him for being such a good friend, and absolutely that would be today's blog entry. I still have a lot to learn about being kind. Luckily I have a good tutor.

Trading Trash for Kindness

Some days I am just hoping that an opportunity to be kind will present itself. An opportunity that not just screams “kindness needed here” but one that is interesting enough to write about as well. Today, while I was at work waiting and hoping, I cleaned all the dishes in the sink, (although there were not nearly enough to qualify as an act of kindness) emptied the garbage, and the recycle bin. I also tossed out two yucky looking things from the fridge. This was to be my back up plan if nothing fascinating came along.

Alas, nothing did. Thus proving that age old adage, one person's trash is another person's act of kindness