Can You Hear Me Now?

Day 276

I went for a run today. Well, more of a walk, with a few running steps thrown in here and there. It was a beautiful day, nearly 50 degrees, and nothing but sunshine. I passed one house where a man was in his yard, looking at I'm not exactly sure what, but it seemed like a snow pile to me. He was quite engrossed in whatever it was, so he didn't notice me until I was right next to him.

I turned off my ipod and took the ear buds out to say hello, stopping briefly to chat about what an amazingly perfect day it was. The man was quite friendly, and agreed wholeheartedly about the nature of the day. I said “Happy New Year” and was on my way.

So where is the act of kindness in the rather mundane exchange? Surely I'm not resorting to counting a cheerful hello as fulfilling my daily commitment to kindness. No, my deed for the day was taking out my ear phones to talk. In this age of cell phones, ipods, blue-tooth ear pieces and whatever else, it is often hard to know when or if someone is giving you their full attention. I was mindful of this, and wanted to make sure the man wasn't wondering if I was listening to music while we were talking.

Sometimes I miss the way it was “back in the day” before everyone had a gadget as an additional appendage, and you didn't have to wonder or ask “Can you hear me now?”

Share The Joy By Keeping Warm

Day 275

We won!! Actually, I didn't win anything. But my niece did. She wrote an essay for a contest with Land's End called “Share The Joy.” The question asked was “How would you bring joy to someone's life with $50?” The prize, of course, was $50. And she answered, rather eloquently I assume since she was among the winners, that she would give it to her aunt who writes a blog about kindness. I knew nothing about this until she called last night to tell me that she had entered and won. To say I was honored would be an understatement.

She and I talked about who we should give the money to, and the possibilities truly seemed endless. Who among us couldn't use $50, really. Well, maybe Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerman but beyond that, who? We decided, perhaps influenced by the cold temperatures, the foot of snow on the ground, and the suggestion from her dad (my brother), to donate it to a local agency that provides heating assistance for folks with low income.

I am proud of my niece, and it's great to know that a family will stay warm because of her effort to share the joy.

Confirmation of Kindness

Day 274

On my way to the grocery store this morning I stopped at the doughnut shop and bought a gift card. When I got to there, I placed the card on the pile of bananas with a note that said “Happy holidays, enjoy a coffee and a doughnut on me.” My plan was to watch to see who picked it up. But I became so engrossed in my shopping that I forgot to keep my eye on the bananas and when I remembered to check, it was gone.

As I was putting my bags in the car I noticed a note on my windshield. I thought to myself, the gig is up, someone must have figured out what I was doing. But alas, it was from a woman who had said she had scraped my fender. She left her phone number and asked that I call her. Which was quite nice of her, especially since I could not even find a mark on my car. I called and left her a message and said not to worry about it, the car had much worse scrapes and dings on it, and one more microscopic one wasn't going to make a difference. I told her her how much I appreciated her leaving the note.

It is my belief that, in general, most people are kind and well intended, and will do the right thing. I was happy today to have this confirmed.

Neither Rain Nor Sleet Or Snow Will Stop Kindness

Day 173

The sink was full of dirty dishes at work today and who better to wash them than me. But when I started to clean I realized there was no soap which explained the accumulating pile. So who better to duck out and buy some more soap than me. A quick act of kindness, I thought.

However, it turned into to be a bit more than I bargained for as I climbed over snow banks, navigated sidewalks covered with almost foot of snow, and was nearly hit by several cars as I walked in the street, all in the name of clean dishes.

I returned triumphantly to the office with my prized bottle of dish-washing liquid and finished the job. Kindness, not just a blog, but an adventure.

GFTAS Day Goes To The Movies

Day 172

Despite blizzard conditions, Give Flowers to A Stranger Day was celebrated today. Actually the blizzard had passed by morning so getting out of the house was not a problem. It was so not a problem that my husband and I actually went out to a movie when my niece and nephew so kindly offered to stay home with the boys. When we bought the tickets to the show I handed the young woman at the booth a bouquet of flowers and informed her that it was GFTASD. “Really?” she asked. “Sure is,” I answered as we were walking away. Her smile indicated that it was, indeed, another successful holiday.

A Blizzard of Chances To Be Kind

Day 271

I went to the grocery store this morning first thing to get some things for dinner. The forecast was for a blizzard this afternoon so the store was unusually busy with people stocking up. Except for the woman behind me in line. She just had one item so I offered to let her go ahead of me. She declined at first, but I insisted, saying that it didn't seem fair that she should wait behind the rest of us who obviously hadn't planned ahead. She thanked me, and as she left she thanked me again.

One of the things that has been great about doing this project is that it has made me so much more aware of the opportunities around me to be kind. I'm not altogether sure that I would have offered my spot to her in line a year ago. It's not that I was any less kind then, just more oblivious to the chances out there.

***********

Tomorrow is the 27th which is, of course “Give Flowers to a Stranger Day.
New to this blog? Have NO idea what GFTASD is? It happens the 27th of every month. Read this previous entry for a history of this day.

But there is a good chance I may have to postpone my celebration this month. There seems to be a blizzard going on which may prevent me from finding flowers or a stranger tomorrow.

Christmas Kindness

Day 270

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate this holiday. My husband was the king of kindness today as he left our warm cozy house this morning before breakfast to deliver 100 packets of peanut brittle (my specialty of the season) to the soup kitchen for their Christmas dinner guests. When we called yesterday to find out how many people they were expecting and heard “between 350 and 400” were shocked and saddened. We had absolutely no idea that so they served so many people on this day.

So we amped up the brittle production, me cooking and my husband packaging, and pondered if it was the right thing to do, delivering enough for only about a quarter of the guests. In the end, we decided we could only do our best, and next year we would have a better plan.

I hope that the guests who received our small gift enjoyed it and wish for them more cheer and promise in the year ahead.

Competing For Kindness on Christmas Eve

Day 269

We spent two hours today ringing at the Salvation Army Kettle Bell station. There were many folks out doing their last minute grocery shopping and they seemed to have the holiday spirit, as we collected over 300 dollars in the time that we were there.

It often seems with two boys so close in age (12 and almost 11) that everything is a competition. So why should collecting money for charity be any different. Well, actually I can think of quite a few reasons why it SHOULD be different, but in fact, it was not. My husband and younger son took the first hour shift and when we showed up to relieve them, they proudly announced they had collected $200 and three hugs (two for my son and one for my husband).

When my older son and I took over we began trying to keep track of the money as well, my son axiously glancing at the clock to see if we were keeping pace with his brother. Alas, we were not. In our hour we collected around $100 and absolutely no hugs. But I was proud that, by the end of the time, my son had stopped focusing on “winning” and was taking notice of the spirit and generousity of the people who took time to put money in the kettle and stopped to chat with us.

I'm sure there is a place somewhere that competing for kindness is a good thing. But I am grateful that we had a break, however small, in the competion.

A Parking Spot For Kindness

Day 268

Traffic was just crazy today. Parking lots were jammed as everyone seemed to be doing their last minute stuff, whatever it is people do two days before Christmas. I made the mistake of thinking I could run into the grocery store near my office to pick up some bagels on my way home. I'm not sure what I was thinking; there wasn't a parking space in sight. I was circling around and contemplating giving up when I spotted a space. I put my blinker on and was just about there when I noticed woman in a car coming the other direction doing the same thing. I could have had her beat by a second or even two. But I smiled and waved her into the spot.

I found a space on the next circle round, got my bagels, and left feeling a little more in touch with the holiday spirit.

Along For The Ride

Day 267

Today's act of kindness I can barely claim any part in. I went with my friend to pick up a load of winter vegetables from a local farmer. We were delivering them to the soup kitchen for the Christmas dinner there. I mentioned this friend in my blog on July 9th, Tom and Huck.

A few years back my husband and I started a project collecting extra vegetables from backyard gardens to donate to the soup kitchen. Last year my friend joined us with her family and now actually does the bulk of the work. She has forged a fabulous partnership with the farmer in her neighborhood; he donates the vegetables and she picks them up and delivers them to the soup kitchen. I'm back up, but it's pretty much her gig.

Today she had a large load of turnips and butternut squash to deliver, so I went along to “help.” The truth of matter is I loaded one box in the car (the farmer loaded the rest) and I carried one box (although it was quite heavy) into the church that houses the soup kitchen. Mostly I went along for the ride to catch up and chat.

While it is true that this veggie collaborative was started by my husband and me, the torch really has been passed and it my friend's project now, with a few improvements and greater success, I might add. So for today, I will just say I was riding shotgun to kindness.

Kindness in Training

Day 266

We had the kids compose cards for their teachers today, wishing them well for the holiday season and thanking them for what they do. Because each of the boys is taught by a “team” there were a total of eight cards to be written and delivered. In years previous my husband and I wrote them all. This year we had the each of the boys pick one teacher they wrote a card for, while we did the rest.

Hopefully, eventually they will write them all. Maybe even willingly.

Kindness + Quarters= Clean Clothes. Not

Day 265


265 down, 100 to go. I thought about trying to do something exciting or at least interesting to mark this milestone in my year of living kindly. Nothing came to mind. So I have learned in the absence of an original idea, borrow one from someone else.

I have actually seen this idea in a few different places, on some websites, in a book on kindness and even on a daily calendar of kindness. Put quarters in the machine at a laundromat for someone to find. Hmm, there is even a laundromat one block from my office; this must be meant to be, I thought. I made sure to bring two dollars worth of quarters with me when I left the house this morning. Not having been in a laundromat for a while, I wasn't exactly sure how much it would cost.

It was crazy busy at work today, with a deadline hanging over my head. So after lunch I snuck out the back door, thinking I could probably complete this mission in five minutes or less and be back to finish what I needed to in the office. I practically sprinted the one block to the laundromat, then walked in casually, planning to act if I was checking my load.

The first thing I noticed was no coin slots on the machines. OK, so I guess it has been a REALLY long while since I've been in a laundromat. No worries, on the far wall from the door I spotted a machine to purchase money cards to be used in the washers and dryers. Great, I could just do that and leave the card on one of the machines with a note. Except there was a sign that said each card required a $20 deposit. And besides that it didn't take change. This was getting far more complicated than I was prepared for.

With the deadline at work weighing on my mind, my ability to think quickly and kindly diminished. I placed the eight quarters that I had dug out of our change bin this morning on a washing machine. Someone would find them and be happy. Not the presentation I was planning on. But two dollars is two dollars. It's a cup of coffee, or a pack of gum. Or a load of laundry if you can figure out how to put it onto the card.

The milestone celebration of 100 days left to the year of living kindly was more of a fizzle than a bang. Kind of disappointing, but kind none the less.

Kind of Cynical

Day 264

There is a house the next town over from us that decorates for Christmas with a light show set to music broadcast based from their home. I have no idea how it works, I just know that if you tune the radio to the number posted on the sign on the front lawn, there is music matching the movement of the lights from the house. And in one window there is Santa, packing toys, eating cookies and waving to the folks outside. I think it was a video projection but it looks very, very real. Or may it WAS him.

Tonight we took a ride by with the kids and parked outside for about 15 minutes. Normally I am the type of person who would be rather cynical and judgemental about this type of decorating, deeming it overkill and tacky. But I must admit, seeing my 12 and almost 11 year old totally mesmerized changed my attitude. It was the highlight of the weekend.

Before we left we put a note in the mailbox thanking the homeowners for the joy they were bringing the neighborhood. We attached it to a small container of home made peanut brittle, our tradition of the season. Ti's the season to let go of cynicism, and be kind.

Kind In My Mind

Day 263

I put money in the Salvation Army Kettle today as I was leaving the grocery store. I have made a commitment to give a dollar every time I pass one (Bells Will Be Ringing). And it really does appear to be true what I speculated when I wrote last month, that I don't pass that many kettles during the season. Other years I remember giving a few times and then, as it got closer to Christmas, I would walk by the person ringing and look straight ahead, justifying in my head that I couldn't possibly give EVERY time I saw someone collecting.

But this season it seems true that the giving was exaggerated my mind, since I have given each and every time I have passed someone and so far I am up to around 7 or 8 bucks, with Christmas only a week away. A friend of mine emailed to say that she too decided to give each time she passed and was surprised to realize how little it totaled. Perhaps she and I just aren't out and about shopping as much as other folks. Or maybe there are fewer Salvation Army Kettle ringers around these days.

Or maybe it is more common that many of us would like to think, that sometimes it takes some real effort to put those kind thoughts into action.

Counting My Change to Kindness

Day 262

I got my act of kindness out of the way first thing this morning when I was in the donut shop. Not that I wasn't kind the rest of the day, but it is always nice to know I have something to write about early on.

I stopped to buy the boys donuts on the way to school, my incentive/bribe for them getting out of the house and into the car on time with a minimum of bickering. While I was standing in line the woman next to me accidentally dropped a handful of change on the floor. I immediately got right down there with her to help pick it up.

So, someone reading this might think, big deal of course you would, who wouldn't? The answer to that is everyone else in line near us, who just continued to stare straight ahead. Once again I am reminded that one person's act of kindness can often be considered just “doing the right thing.”

The Flying Pig of Kindness

Day 261

My son had a doctor's appointment today and we brought an ornament for the office manager. Not just any ornament, but a flying pig. We have bonded over the fact that she has pigs, flying and flightless, decorating her office and we happen to have flying pigs on our checks.

So when I saw this ornament before Thanksgiving there was no question that I needed to get it. Since that time I have misplaced it twice (see yesterday's blog for proof that this is a habit of mine) but was able to find in time for today's appointment. I am often jealous of the people who seem to always know the perfect gift, buy them during the year and have them beautifully wrapped for the appropriate occasion. It is clear that I do not have this skill because even if I knew the perfect gift when I saw it, I would lose it by the time the occasion rolled around.

But, just for today, I was one of THOSE people.

My Mother, Myself

Day 260

I turned an act of absent mindeness into a random act of kindness today. When I was a child I remember times after birthdays and holidays when my mother would come out of her bedroom with a present for me or one of my siblings, saying she had hidden it, and then forgotten about it. We used to laugh and tease her about her memory.

Today I found a small present I had bought for my older son for Christmas. I got it a while ago and hid it (I won't say what or where in case he chooses this day to taken an interest in this blog). And last week I bought him the exact same thing, having forgotten about the hidden item.

I put the found item on a bench with a note. “I hope you know someone who will enjoy this gift.”

I am my mother's daughter.

Thank A Teacher This Season

Day 259

Today's act was actually something my husband and I do on a routine basis. In the system when my kids go to school and my husband teaches there is a scholarship fund that parents can donate to in recognition of their child's teacher. When you make a donation the teacher gets a certificate stating that you have contributed in their honor. It means the world to my husband when he gets one, and our sons' teachers always seem appreciative.

So with the season of giving upon us, we sent in the check along with the list of teachers who have helped the boys so far this year. It's not just because of my husband when I say, you just can't thank teachers enough.

No Return On Kindness

Day 259

I believe today was the first time this year I was a bit cranky AFTER my act of kindness. I was in line at the pharmacy, refilling my supply of Nyquil, having gone through what seems like a few gallons this week. The woman behind me had a small child around two or so who was having a difficult time demonstrating the patience required for standing in line. I told her to go ahead of me, saying I had first hand experince of the joys of waiting in line with child who had other ideas. She said thank you (barely) and took me up on my offer, remarking “I just have one quick return.”

“Quick return.” Isn't it common knowledge that this is an oxymoron? Everyone know there is no such thing as a quick return. And today was no different. Fortunately for me, the manager opened another register to accomodate the delay, and I was headed out of the store while the return was still being processed. I left the store feeling a bit miffed, but my mission was accomplished and kindness had been achieved for another day. And I reminded myself “It's not about me.”

A Case For Kindness

Day 257

I was interviewed tonight via phone for an internet radio show called Brown on Black out of Des Moines Iowa. The host Luana Nelson Brown contacted me a few weeks ago and our first go round was canceled because of technical difficulties. But today it went off without a hitch, aside from me sounding rather nasally from this cold I'm battling. I'm not altogether sure why this counts as my act of kindness for the day, but Luana said it does, so I'm taking her up on the offer.

The main point of the show was that kindness is a key in building community, and that kindness inevitably begets kindness. It was fascinating to have someone ask questions in depth about this blog and what are my thoughts were on the topic. As if I were some sort of expert, which definitely I am not. But it did help to realize that over the course of these eight months, I have become more mindful of being kind and learned that,with some discpline, thoughts do lead to actions. That is the sum total of my expertise.

It was an honor to be part of a discussion the purpose of which was primarly to advance the case for kindness. Thank you Luana.

Thanks For Volunteering

Day 256

I was thankful today for the person ringing for the Salvation Army Kettle campaign outside the grocery store when I ran in for some eggs. Both for the the volunteer work she was doing, for a great cause, and for the opportunity she provided so I could put a dollar in to count as my kind act for the day.

A Dollar A Day Chases The Humbug Away

Day 255

As I ventured out of the house today I was in a rather crabby mood. I am sick with a massive head cold, the second one in three weeks and I really, really wanted to stay home in bed. But alas Christmas errands needed to be done which made me even grouchier. I'm not sure how I, as a Jew (albeit raised in a non-practicing household), have manged to become a contributing part of the materialism that has taken hold of this holiday. But it seems I have, so off I ventured to the shopping plaza feeling irritated by the Christmas music on the radio and resentful that it has been playing since before Thanksgiving.

A plan for kindness was just what I needed to shake the mood. First, I was kind to myself by stopping for a coffee. Not just any coffee, but a fancy one that I don't usually get because they are expensive and fattening and on top of that I have been know to mock other people for ordering such coffees. I then went into a nearby store with five one dollar bills. On each I had put a note that said “A dollar won't get you much these days but I hope that finding this one will put a smile on your face.”

I put one down on a stack of sweatshirts and positioned myself in one of the aisles so I could see what would happen. A store employee found it and I am pleased to report that it did indeed make her smile. She then walked around showing it to her co-workers. And this was just what I needed to brighten my mood. I quickly distributed the other four dollars around the store and left, feeling no need at all to spy on the recipients.

As I walked out, I found myself humming one of the Christmas songs that I had found so annoying earlier.

Honk If You Love Kindness

Day 254

My act of kindness today might be disputed by some. Particularly the driver behind me.

On my way to work I was approaching a green light. The person coming the other direction had her left blinker on and was waiting for someone to stop to let her pass. Apparently she had been there a while since there was quite a back up of cars behind her. I stopped and waved her by, and as I did the light turned from green to yellow to red.

My next minute (although it felt like many more) was spent sitting at the red light while the driver behind me honked his displeasure. Kindness clearly is in the eye of the beholder.

The Natural

Day 253

There is a man who works a store that I stop at occasionally on the way to my sons' school. It seems that he is always there, although I'm fairly certain he isn't. But every single time he is pleasant and jovial to each person he waits on.

Today I made a point to tell him how much I appreciated his manner, and that I looked forward to seeing him when I'm in the store. I'm not sure if this was the first time he had heard this or the 100th. Because he said thank you in the same good-natured tone that he always seems to have.

While I am working at this kindness thing, some people seem to come by it naturally.

Kind of Quiet

Day 252

I did not see my younger son all day today. My husband took him to school, brought him home, and then dropped him off at soccer practice. I picked him up on my way home from work. I was bursting with my usual questions. How was school? What did you do at recess? What happened that was fun today? Did you get your homework done? Typical of most kids his age, so I hear, he is not usually thrilled to answer me. And actually he is much more cooperative with my interrogations than my older soon to be twelve year old son. But still, I am aware that the questions come from my need/desire to know, not not his need to share.

Today I made the decision to be quiet. With every ounce of restraint I could muster, we drove home from soccer in almost complete silence. Aside from my obligatory question “Did you have fun at practice?” and my occasional musings about the Christmas lights we passed, I kept my questions and comments to my self.

I was quite proud of myself, and thought this was a fine act of kindness. Alas, when I asked my son what he thought, he hadn't noticed. Kindness, however, is not always judged what one does. Sometimes it's what one doesn't do.

Kind of Late

Day 251

Waiting in line to get coffee this morning I noticed the woman in back of me looking impatient. The line was unusually long, and the service was a bit on the slow side. I offered to let her go ahead of me, and at first she declined. But I insisted, saying that I would enjoy putting off the start of the work week for a few more minutes.

I arrived at my office two minutes late and absolutely nobody noticed.

No Weekend Off

Day 250

We are on our way home from our trip to the city. Before leaving today we manged to put money in two different Salvation Army kettles (each of the boys took a turn) and my husband helped a woman carry her child in the stroller up the subway stairs. I gave a dollar to some young girls collecting for a fund to help cure a type of childhood cancer. It seemed that while in the city, the opportunities for kindness kept presenting themselves.

Now, it's back to our home with the chores that didn't get done. We make have taken a weekend off from our laundry and house cleaning, but not daily kind deeds.

Big City Small Act

Day 249

My family of country mice took a bus this morning to NYC, traveling to visit family and the King Tut exhibit. My older son has been fascinated with all things Egyptian since he could talk, so this trip was on the must do list. The boys excitement about King Tut (which I can not say or type without thinking of Steve Martin on Saturday Night Live in the late 70's, and yes I'm showing my age) paled in comparison however, to their anticipation of spending the night with their big cousins.

So surely the possibilities to bring our kindness to the big city would be endless. But on the bus, even before 7 am, we spotted our opportunity. Trash.

As we pulled away from the curb to begin our journey, the driver, who so pleasant and cheerful when he took our tickets at 6:15 AM, requested over the PA for people to please utilize the the trash bags in order to leave the bus clean for the next passengers. But we had already noticed that some of the previous passengers had not complied with this simple request. So our crew of country mice became clean up crew as well and made sure there was not a speck of visible trash as we exited the bus.

While I am left thinking that a trip to the big city calls for a flashier, hipper, more interesting act of kindness, in the end we country mice stayed true to our roots.

Bells Will Be Ringing, Again

Day 248

I received an email today desperately seeking more bell ringers for the Salvation Army Kettle campaign. We did it last week but the email prompted us to sign up for another shift. Christmas Eve day you can find my husband, my boys and me ringing as those last minute shoppers rush by.

My Favorite

Day 247

A friend of mine, I shall call her K, decided to celebrate Give Flowers to a Stranger Day yesterday, even though it was NOT the 27th. She gave a bouquet to an elderly woman getting out of her car at the grocery store. The woman was confused at first, and then when she realized the flowers were really for her, from a stranger, she thanked K repeatedly.

K told me that committing this act of kindness helped her get out of a “funky” mood. Which provided inspiration for me today to buy someone a cup of coffee, to help alleviate my funky mood.

People have asked me what is my favorite act of kindness so far this year. Up until now I haven’t really known what to say, but just today I realized the answer. My absolute favorite thing to do is to buy a stranger a cup of coffee. I’ve done this a few times this year in the course of writing this blog and suddenly it occurred to me that, aside from being kind, it’s just plain fun.

My usual “routine” is to give money to the cashier and ask them to use it, after I’m gone, for whomever they think could use a pick me up. Every time I have done this it seems to bring some joy to the cashier. And then I also get to imagine the recipient’s happiness as well. Plus I love coffee. I’m not exactly sure where that fits in here, but I think it must be part of the reason I’m putting this to the top of the list.

Peanut butter and jelly. Nuts and bolts. Kindness and caffeine. They just seem to go together.

The Keys to Kindness

Day 246

While grocery shopping today I noticed a woman with her two children. One was a baby she had in her arms and the other was a girl around two or three pushing a cart, one of the small kind they have in the stores these days for children to push. They weren't around when my kids were younger, which was a good thing because my boys would have absolutely taken down anyone in their path if I had let them push one those around the store.

I was going by the little girl right as she spotted a set of keys on the floor. She picked them up and gave them to her mom. The mom looked at me and asked, hopefully, if they were mine. I said they weren't but I would be happy to take them to the customer service desk for her. She appeared relieved and handed them over.

It does not seem that long ago that I was hauling two children around the grocery store with me and I don't remember it as being a pleasant experience. At all. So I could imagine that a journey to the the front of the store from the back to drop off the keys, with her two kids in tow might have seemed like a chore. Or perhaps I was projecting, based on my own past nightmarish grocery store memories with my own kids.

Either way, I'm considering it kind act squared, both to the finder and the loser of the keys.

Brian, Friend To The Electronically Inept

Day 245

I went to the store today for help with a tricky Ipod. What I thought would be a quick visit turned into an hour, as the technician who was helping me went above and beyond to solve the problem. Most importantly, he did not make me feel like old and inept, as I often do when dealing with electronics.

I made sure to look his name tag when I thanked him, both to be kind, and so I could send the store manager a note about just how much I appreciated Brian's help.

I may be behind on today's technology, but I know the value of an old fashioned thank you note.

Kindness Shines Through

Day 244

I ran to the mall during my lunch time today for a quick errand. I was in quite a rush trying to minimize my absence from the office (translated-before anyone noticed I was missing). When I passed one of the kiosks and a man offered me a perfume sample I was tempted to keep going and wave him off. But I thought to myself, how much time will it take? So I veered over to accept the sample. He then pulled out a nail buffer, seemingly from nowhere and said “Can I show you something amazing ma'am?” I'm not sure if this was an act of kindness or a lack of assertiveness, but it did run through my mind “he is just doing his job, and this can't possibly be his first choice of employment.”

I said, “sure but I am not going to buy anything.” I then spent about a minute (although it seemed much longer) getting my thumb nailed buffed to an amazing shine, with the assurance that it would last for a month. I thanked him and he said I was a “nice lady” and I was on my way.

And here I sit admiring my one lustrous fingernail, while the nine dull ones protest that the kinder act would have been to buy the buffer and promote equality among them all.

Not Clever But Kind

Day 243

A lazy day to finish up the long holiday weekend. And lazy also means no creative ideas for acts of kindness today. So I went to my fail safe plan, a jar of peanut butter in the food bank donation bin. Looking back, I haven't done this since day 210, over a thirty day stretch with no repeats. With just about four months to go, the challenge of continuing to do something new, interesting and blog worthy every day is starting to weigh on me just a bit.

And I am forced to remind myself once again that it is about being kind, not clever.

Flowers and Bells

Day 242

Today we were ringing the bell for the Salvation Army Kettle campaign. My husband and older son took the first hour and my younger son and I covered the second hour. We entertained ourselves by trying to quietly guess who would put money in the kettle and who would pass us by. We also tried to decide just who should get the poinsettia plant that we had brought along since today is, of course, GFTASD.

Three times we made our selection and I chickened out. Because the absolute truth is, it feels a bit awkward to give flowers to a stranger. For those of you contemplating celebrating this holiday at some point, please know that it is not always easy do the actual act. I'm not sure why exactly that is. Perhaps it is just too far from the norm of one's everyday routine. Or flat out bashfulness about approaching strangers, however well intended one is.

We finally followed through with our decision when a woman came by with her young daughter, who looked to be around four or five. The woman said she didn't have any change, but she stopped to dig around in her purse because she wanted to give her daughter something to put in the kettle. As she was scrounging my son looked and me, raised his eyebrows and motioned his head towards the flowers. I could take a hint.

After the girl put the money in, I handed her the plant and informed her that it was Give Flowers to a Stranger Day. She looked happy and smiled, and both she and her mom said thank you. It almost seemed like they had heard of this festive day. Perhaps the word is getting out....

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New to this blog? Have NO idea what GFTASD is? It happens the 27th of every month. Read last month's entry for a history of this day.

Husband To The Rescue, Again

Day 241

Today I felt very lucky to have some help keeping the kindness streak alive. I was a bit under the weather and not wanting to leave the house. So in order to follow through with my plan for the day I needed an assist and my husband was there to help. My idea was to give a coffee gift card to the person ringing the bell for the Salvation Army Kettle campaign on my way out of the grocery store. Tomorrow we will be taking a shift there, so it seemed like the thing to do.

He left the house in good spirits, up for the challenge. There was a small snag when he discovered the bell ringing station unmanned. Undeterred, he went back into the store and gave the card to the first cashier he saw, expressing gratitude for all her hard work over the Thanksgiving shopping week. He was happy to help out, but if I'm not better by tomorrow, I'll be hard pressed to get him to give flowers to a stranger.

Yes, tomorrow is Give Flowers To A Stranger Day. Doesn't it seem like all the holidays are so close together this time of year? Thanksgiving was yesterday. Hanukkah starts next Wednesday. And here is GFTASD right in the middle. J. in Michigan celebrated a little early this year and you can read about it on her blog.

Enjoy the holiday season!

Happy Thanksgiving

Day 240

I was out for a short run this morning, trying to proactively prepare for the day of Thanksgiving eating ahead, when I passed a woman out walking her puppy. I usually don't like to stop when I'm running, mostly because I want to get it over with. But this was one cute puppy. Her name was Ginny and she was a 3 month old Cocker Spaniel out for her potty training lesson. More importantly, her human, whose name I didn't learn, was bursting at the seams proud of her new charge, and clearly enjoyed others recognizing how adorable the new addition to the family was.

So I stopped for a few minutes and got down on the ground to make a proper fuss, getting totally tangled in my headphone wires as Ginny jumped and rolled and licked. We had good ole patting session and went our separate ways.

The break in my run was of little consequence since I would have needed to run 10 more miles today to offset the quadruple servings of dessert I indulged in.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow

Day 239

I sent a card to my hairdresser today thanking her for her kindness. She has been cutting my hair for over 15 years now, so she was just the person to break some bad news to me last week. When she was mid cut she noticed a significant round bald spot on the back of my head. Covered (thankfully) by my hair, it had gone unnoticed by me and anyone around me. I speculated that perhaps it had rubbed off when I had gone running with a hat on, but she said gently, but firmly that it did not look that way to her and that I should have it checked out by a doctor.

I usually don't share too much personal information here, mindful of my family's privacy. But this is something I have been struggling with this week, and it seemed that it might help to put in perspective if I said it out loud. I did go to the doctor today and was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata, a condition that causes areas of hair to fall out. It might grow back. It might not. I might get more bald spots. I might not.

Of course I have some mixed feelings. On one end of the spectrum is fear of what the future holds for my hair, and all the thoughts and associations that go along with the possible scenarios. On the other end, the realization that of all the health issues people deal with in life, this one has very little, if any effect on mine or my family's well being. In my “year of living kindly” (and thank you to my sister-in-law M for that line) my priorities are shifting a small bit. I'm learning that life is too short not to be kind, and is certainly to way too short to spend worrying too much about appearances. And while this doesn't mean I won't experience anxiety and stress if more hair does fall out, for today I am choosing to focus on the present.

And that means in part, reminding myself of those things for which I am grateful. This includes the support I have received from the small number of people with whom I have shared this “secret.” And especially for my hairdresser who delivered some tough news in the gentlest of ways, and allowed me to walk out of the salon with important information that I needed, and a fabulous haircut to boot.

Selling Soda, Pizza and Kindness

Day 238

I attended a meeting tonight for the committee to organize the concession sales for the town recreational basketball league. Usually when I get the call to volunteer selling food at sporting events (which is sport parent tradition apparently) I agree grudgingly. Youth sports are not usually a bastion of kindness, and I get my hackles up easily and frequently when I hear parents and or coaches yelling at the kids. So I try to keep my distance.

But the man who is running the basketball league this year was my son's soccer coach and is an example of just what youth sports should be (in my opinion). He values fun and learning, and makes sure that both are incorporated into his coaching. He gives constructive feedback and never fails to say “good job” to the kids. So when he asked for help it seemed it was time for me to stop complaining and be part of the solution.

Popcorn, peanuts, crackerjacks anyone?

Kindness Competes With The Green Eyed Monster

Day 237

Today I picked two names off the local giving tree to buy holiday gifts those in need. We do this every year and usually try to pick children who are around the same age as our boys. In past years it was a bit tricky since “Santa” brought gifts for Christmas, it was hard to explain why there were kids out there who needed us to help put gifts under their tree. And while we still do not mention out loud in our house that anyone other than Santa delivers gifts on Christmas Eve, this year we did not need to explain why it is important for us to help other families.

The two boys whose names we chose wanted similar toys to the ones my guys are hoping to get for Christmas (yes, I know Thanksgiving isn't even here yet, but that doesn't mean there aren't Christmas hints being dropped around here). When my sons arrived home after school the gifts were on the table and there were some difficult, but short lived, moments when the realization set in that they were for someone else. But they rallied quickly and announced that they thought they should make cards to go along with the gifts. I feel good to be able to say that while kindness was a bit delayed in our house, it did win out over jealousy.

Rice Crispy Kindness

Day 236

Every once in while I have to remind myself that being kind to family counts too. Today in the midst of errands my son and I stopped to get my daily cup (ok, my third of the day) of coffee. Usually he groans as it is his LEAST favorite stop. But today he agreed to join me with a cup of hot chocolate and any snack he wanted. He chose a rice crispy treat, and I was kind enough not to mention that I could make a whole pan of them for the price I was paying for one.

It was fun to hang out with him in “my” spot and remember that hot chocolate and a treat could make an ordinary day special.

Three For The Price of One

Day 235

Two bonus acts of kindness today. My husband went running and reported to me that he fixed a mailbox that had been knocked down. My friend K. called to tell me she celebrated Give Flowers to Stranger Day a week early. For those unfamiliar with this holiday, it is usually celebrated on the 27th of the month. But truth is, it should absolutely be celebrated whenever one is moved to do so. As for me, a made an effort to chat with the cashier at the grocery store and compliment her valiant effort to stay ahead of the weekend before Thanksgiving shopping crush.

With a little help from my friends, it there was plenty of kindness to go around today.

Putting Hard Limits to Kindness

Day 234

It is a bit tricky to put limits on being kind this time of year. It seems that everywhere you turn, there are requests for Thanksgiving donations and holiday toy drives. Saying no is hard, but it is impossible (financially) to always say yes, even if I know the need is great.

The studio where my sons take karate has been soliciting Thanksgiving basket donations for a local organization. The boys have been enthusiastic about wanting to participate, so today we dropped off gift cards for turkeys and some canned goods. I'm glad that they can be part of the process and are developing understanding that they should help when they can. The harder lesson we're finding, is teaching why sometimes we can't.

Kindly Calling the Kettle Black

Day 233

Today's kind idea of the day on the Random Acts of Kindness website was “ When you are purchasing your items in the check out line, take a moment to speak to the employee or clerk helping you.” So I recognized a certain irony as I was in line for my coffee and the woman in front of me motioned her order to the young man waiting on her while saying to whomever she was talking on the phone in a rather loud voice “the problem is she doesn't have any people skills.”

This happens to be one of my pet peeves, people talking on their phones and ignoring the actual person in front of them. In general, I am more on the intolerant side of cell phone use, and I am only now beginning to accept that that they are not just a passing phase. I need to work on being kind to cell phone users, despite my bias.

But for today, I was extra friendly to the person who served me my coffee.

Kind Words Won't Cause Global Warming

Day 232

A kind word warms for three winters.

Yesterday my friends challenged me to use above fortune I received in a cookie as an inspiration for today's act of kindness. I accepted, but as it turns out, warming three winters isn't nearly as easy as it sounds.

I commented to the woman who served me coffee this morning that I liked her earrings, which was true, but did not seem really winter warm worthy. I told the cashier at the grocery store that I appreciated how pleasant and upbeat he is whenever I go thorough his line. Also true, but I doubt it would warm one winter, never mind three.

Not kind enough words? Or false fortune? Perhaps "a kind word warms for one autumn" is closer to the truth.

Coffee's On

Day 231

Before I left work this evening I set up the coffee pot so a push of the button is all it takes in the morning. One of my co-workers does this fairly often, which goes to show, as I have said several times in this blog, I'm no kinder than any one else. I just write about about it. However, I'm actually off of work tomorrow, so I'm hoping this does count in the above and beyond category.

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A kind word warms for three winters.

This was the fortune received when I went out to dinner this evening with two of my oldest friends (by old I mean longest lasting, but as the years go on, the two meanings begin to blur). They challenged me to use this to inspire an act of kindness. I have accepted the challenge and hope to warm some winters tomorrow.

Kindness, Guilt and Yogurt Containers

Day 230

Plastic containers #5 have been the bane of my existence as of late. Our town doesn't recylcle them, and I feel guilty throwing them in the trash. About a month ago, I read in the paper that a store near my work would accept them for recyling. Since that time a pile has grown in our kitchen, and been moved periodically from the counter to the top of the fridge, back to the counter and to various other locations, waiting for transport to their destination. Yesterday my husband said “Should we just throw these away?”

That was the push I needed to follow through. Today I brought them to work with me and dropped them in the recycle bin at the store on the way home. Who says all guilt is all bad? Pair it with a commitment to kindness and I can really get some things done.

The Act of Kindness That Wasn't

Day 230

Today's act of kindness falls under the good intentions category....

I was invited to participate on an internet radio show in Iowa where the topic was kindness. The host had read this blog and emailed to ask if she could interview me. I wanted to say no, but the woman was so incredibly enthusiastic and sincere that I felt like I couldn't decline. I asked my husband if I could count this as my act of kindness and his initial response was “No, I believe that falls under the category of shameless self promotion.” But I argued with absolute sincerity that it was not something I really wanted to do, that it was pretty far outside my comfort zone, and that I was far more content to write about kindness than talk about it in a live interview.

He acquiesced and said in fact that he thought it would be a fine act of kindness indeed. The interview was supposed to take place at 6 pm on a show called Brown on Black. I spent a better part of the afternoon feeling anxious, worrying about sounding inarticulate, and wishing it were over. I spent from 5 to 5:57 pacing the house. At promptly 5:58 I called the station as instructed only to find out there were technical difficulties and the show would not be running tonight.

Tune in next Sunday for a replay, and possibly an actual interview.

Bells Will Be Ringing

Day 228

My family signed up today to work a shift for the Salvation Army Kettle Campaign the weekend after Thanksgiving. I received the request through email about a week ago and immediately deleted it. It was hard to imagine standing there for a couple of hours ringing the bell, knowing that many people walking by will try to avoid you. I know that's what happens because I have done just this.

I always put money in the first couple times I see the kettle, but then after a while I think to myself “I already gave to the last three people I saw.” But the truth is, it isn't a huge a amount of money, even if I put in a dollar every time I passed a kettle. Twenty dollars by the end of the season would be at the high end, probably less than that.

But my commitment to kindness caused me to rethink my decision. There is a tremendous need this year and the Salvation Army really does so much to help people, especially the folks who have so little. So on the Saturday after Thanksgiving my husband, my boys and I will be out there ringing away. Drop some money in the kettle if you see us. But we'll try not to take it personally if you cross to the other side of the street. After all, it took us awhile to get it too.

For the Birds

Dat 227

I put my bird feeders up today, the official start of almost winter. I had to go to the store to stock up on bird seed since, once we put up the “open for business” sign, we go through quite a bit. Now, I considered counting this as my act of kindness for the day as I'm sure the birds think it is. But I do know there are also folks who don't think wildlife, including birds, should be fed by humans. So to avoid the risk of evoking the ire of that group, I will not put this in the kindness column.

On my way to get the bird seed however, there was a shopping cart in the middle of the road in the plaza. I watched several cars go around it, and I drove around it as well. As I did I thought “who better to get out of the car and move that cart out of the road and put it where it belongs but me.” And I did and this one IS going in the kindness column for the day.

Veteran's Day

Day 226

My dad is a veteran of World War II. In honor of him and Veteran's Day, my boys sat down today and made a list of questions about his experience. They are excited to see him this weekend and ask him in person. It is a small acknowledgment of his service and a reminder to our boys and to us that today is not just a day off from work and school.

Veterans, thank you for your service.

Celebrate The Cactus

Day 225

A friend gave me a Christmas cactus about 10 years ago. It is not the official name I'm sure. They are called this because they bloom once a year, around Christmas time. Mine blooms in November so I prefer to the name “Thanksgiving cactus.” I have since lost touch with my friend, but I think of her every year when the cactus shows it's beautiful red flowers. And I always say to myself, I should let C know I'm thinking about her. This year, I actually did. I sent an email telling her just that, and about the cactus of course.

And like many of the things I have done because of my commitment to kindness and this blog, it felt a bit silly when I realized how little time it took. I do hope I hear back from her, and that she doesn't procrastinate for as many years as I did.

Let Them Eat Cake

Day 224

Today is my birthday and I was quite fortunate to be on the receiving end of much kindness beginning with a trio singing to me at 6 AM. In honor of the day I stopped in a the restaurant next to where my kids were in class and ordered a piece of cake for the next customer who came in after I left. The person whom I ordered it from seemed a bit confused, but agreed to carry out my plan.

Here's hoping the recipient enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed my day.

Kind Intentions But...

Day 223

Today was an attempt at kindness, without much success. When I was checking out of the market , the woman in back of me accidentally forgot to put the bar between her order and mine. Before we discovered the mistake, about a half dozen cans of her soup were in my grocery bag and on my tab. She was clearly embarrassed and apologized several times. I said “no problem” and “don't worry about it,” and tried to make a joke (apparently not a funny one) about how we both liked the same kind of soup. But she looked so annoyed with herself, nothing I said seemed to have an effect.

I felt bad that I could not get her to smile. I left the store wishing I knew just what to say to help her put her 'mistake' (as she saw it) out of her mind. I guess sometimes kindness fails---even when with the best intentions.

Big Tree Small Act

Day 222

We have a family tradition that every year about this time, my husband and the boys go to a particular Christmas tree farm to pick out a tree. I do not join them for this trip for the simple reason that they consider me a stick in the mud who who will prevent them from picking out a tree that is clearly too large for our house. Which is true. So every year they go without me, and I maintain the tradition of complaining that the tree is too big (which it always is).

They also come home each time enthusiastic about how nice the couple is who runs the farm. These folks always make sure their customers have a warm and fun experience. So today when the boys decided to go tree hunting, I put together a small plate of cookies and a note to the couple thanking them for making it such a special outing every year for my family.

This year, the boys did have to break with tradition and bring me along because we had some errands to do after. I agreed to stay in the car and not participate in the tree choosing. I also promised not to peek at what they chose (but I did and it's a mammoth one that will never fit in the house). My husband came to get me, and told me that that the woman running the place insisted on meeting me. I walked up to the stand and she immediately came around to hug and thank me for the card and cookies. She clearly was quite touched. She also said she was happy to see me because every year when my trio showed up, she wondered if there was a mom in the family. I explained the reason for my absence and she acknowledged that my boys sure do like to pick large trees.

Often lately my “acts of kindness” are motivated by commitment to having something to write about every day here. Today was a nice and simple reminder that the real reason for follow through is, well, to be kind. And more often then not, that makes folks feel good.

Longing For Two Cans and a String

Day 221

Kindness is the age of facebook is sometimes a bit tricky. I'm sort of a facebook “lurker,” rarely posting but frequently snooping around on friend's pages. Today I saw that a friend, a teenager, posted that her dog had died suddenly and unexpectedly. I felt so sad for her, and it made me remember when she told me about getting him as a puppy. I usually make it a point never to comment on any of my “younger” friends' posts on facebook pages because I feel a bit as if I am a guest in their world whose presence is best not highlighted in any way. But I did write her an email telling her how sorry I was.

After I sent it, I felt odd, like somehow it was not an adequate response. So then I mailed a card to the family expressing my condolences. A card seems so much more real, something that the recipient can hold in their hand, and read again later if they want to. Or perhaps it is just an age thing. Maybe today's generation, raised on texting, smart phones, twitter, facebook and probably a dozen other methods of communication I don't even know about, does take as much comfort from sympathy expressed through cyberspace as people used to from phone calls and cards.

I'm not sure how far I will continue down the path of the virtual world of communication. I don't know how to text or twitter, but I use email and snoop around on facebook. My kids are 10 and 11 right now so I know I need to start getting up to speed on the sooner side rather than later. I suspect however, that no matter how much I learn to partake in the communication paths available in the 21st century, I will always long a little for the way it was, back in the day.

Almost In the Bag, Take Two

Day 220

A few days ago I wrote about my failed attempt to be proactive in providing a donation for the Boy Scouts food drive (Almost in the Bag). Today I tried again, hopefully with more success. I refilled the bag to replace the food my dog had helped himself to last week and left it on top of the mailbox. Pick up is scheduled for sometime in the morning. Now, it is possible there may be a large dog, or perhaps some wild animal roaming the neighborhood who might figure out how to knock it down to ground.

But I'm taking the chance that the food will be safer out there than in my house.

A Shot of Kindness

Day 219

Coffee with a shot. A cupcake shot that is. I stopped this afternoon for a coffee and noticed they were selling cupcake “shots” for a dollar. This is a bite size cupcake, rather overpriced at a dollar if you ask me. But the perfect price for an act of kindness. I gave the cashier two dollars and asked her to give them to two people who looked like they needed a pick me up. She smiled and said “Really? Well you just made my day!” And hearing that absolutely made mine.

"No, Really, After You

Day 218

I got my new driver's license today. In this state, you can do this at Triple AAA, which is light years ahead of getting it at the DMV. When I arrived there were only four people ahead of me in line, as opposed to the last time I went to the DMV when I took a number and the estimated wait time was three and half hours. So when the man came in behind me and started muttering rather loudly about having to wait in line, I thought to myself, are you kidding me? But what I said aloud was “I'm not in a rush if you would like to go ahead of me.”

His demeanor instantly changed from agitated and grouchy to quite pleasant and a little sheepish. He said “Oh no, I'm not really in that big of hurry, I need to learn to be more patient.” We talked a bit about the the merits of Triple AAA serving as a branch of the DMV, and how the line always seems to go quickly. So quickly in fact that after chatting for about two minutes it was my turn at the head of the line.

I always hope that my attempts at kindness will have a positive effect on the recipients, but more often than not, I have no way of knowing. Every once in a while it's fun to experience the results.

Good Intentions

Day 217

When I got to work today I noticed that the kitchen was messier than usual. Most of the time I would throw my lunch in the fridge and keep on going. It's not that I don't want be helpful. Often I (like many other folks) am preoccupied with my thoughts, so I don't even notice. Besides that, the messy work kitchen was still cleaner than mine at home, which is another reason it doesn't occur to me that there is a need for tidying. But today I did see there was some spiffing up to be done so before I even went to my desk I washed the dishes in the sink, emptied the garbage and scrubbed the waste basket with soap and water. Feeling like I had done my part, and perhaps even my kind deed for the day, I proceeded to my desk and turned on my computer. Awaiting me was an email from the office manger with the reminder that it was my department's turn this month to make sure that the kitchen was kept clean.

There went those kindness points...

Then I thought it would be nice for me to make coffee for my co-workers in the Coffee Club. I had already had a cup at home and one on my way into work, so I wasn't planning on drinking anymore. But wouldn't it be kind to make some for everyone else. I went to the kitchen and filled the carafe with water (which was easy to do since there were no longer any dirty dishes in the sink), returned to the coffee pot only to find that my very kind co-worker had it all set up before she left yesterday. All I had to do was turn it on. Drat, trumped by one of those people who are kind without even trying.

To summarize, the kitchen is clean, the coffee was brewed, and I have nothing to report today but my good intentions.

The Value of a Dollar

Day 216

The end of the day rolled around, and I had yet to perform an act of kindness worthy of writing about. As I was on my way out the door to bring my boys to karate, a small but fun idea came to mind (one that I'm sure is not my original idea but I can't remember where I saw it). I wrote on a piece of paper “If you find this, it's your lucky day” and stuck it to a dollar bill. When we got to the studio I put it just outside the door. This way I could actually peek out from inside to see what happened when someone found it.

As I stood inside, I surreptitiously looked out the window. A man walked by with his little boy, who looked around four or so. They stopped and picked it up, read the note and continued on, the boy holding the money tightly in his hand. I was thrilled that they were the finders. I'm pretty sure that four is the perfect age to appreciate the adventure of finding a dollar.

Happy Halloween

Day 215

What a perfect night to practice one's commitment to be kind to strangers! Because we live in the country, every year we manage to wrangle an invitation from one of our friends to invite us to their neighborhood for trick or treating. This year K took pity on us by serving dinner and allowing us to roam the town with her. So we were in a neighborhood full of folks we didn't know.

It was an absolutely great evening walking around with our Ninja and Ghost Buster, talking to people out with their own ghosts and goblins. Much of the fun was commenting on the fabulous costumes we saw and making a fuss over the little ones. Not to mention thoroughly enjoying the one time a year when it OK to accept candy from strangers.

I'd love to write more, but my sons are asleep now, so it's time for me to raid their candy bags....

Happy Halloween!

Almost In The Bag

Day 214

Today the Boy Scouts left a white shopping bag in our mailbox (as well as the mailboxes of almost everyone else in the state) with a request that it be filled with items for the state food bank. Pick up will be in a week. Going with my “do not procrastinate” theme, I filled it with food from our cupboards as soon as I walked in the house and left the bag by the front door so I would remember to put it out next Saturday.

What I did not remember to do was put the dog outside when we left this evening. So we came home to an cereal box torn and emptied of its contents as well as rice spilled all over the floor. He was kind enough to leave the canned items unscathed.

I thought my act of kindness was in the bag for the day, but apparently not....

Keeping Going

Day 213

Today I wrote thank you cards for my son's soccer coaches, and included a small gift card in each one, as tomorrow is the last day of the season. I made sure to tell them how much we appreciated all the time and effort they put in on behalf of our son and the other boys. I also sent a sympathy card to my colleague whose mom passed away this week.

These are not extraordinary acts of kindness by any stretch. Really they are just doing the right thing. I have received much positive feedback about this blog, and it is embarrassing how many people comment how kind I am. I've said it before, and probably will again, that I'm really no kinder than the next person. My commitment to the project is designed to help keep me on the kind track. Much of what I write about is what many of us intend to do, and sometimes never quite get around to it. That is certainly the case for me. If I have to write each night, there is more pressure to “do the right thing.”

I've been asked occasionally whatis my plan when the year is up? Will my daily acts of kindness continue? It is absolutely my intention to do so. But I'm not sure I can keep up the discipline of writing every day. And without that, will my good deeds become good intentions without the follow through? I will continue to strive to make my year of living kindly into a lifetime of the same, but I'm counting on the next 153 days to help me figure out just how to make that happen.

Kind of Lost

Day 212

Today's act was being kind in face of stress. I was dropping off my son of at his friend's house after school and I realized I had left my written directions at home. I had been there once about a year ago, but it was a pretty fuzzy memory. On top of that there was major construction happening and is seemed like there was a detour at every turn. I stopped to ask directions no less than six times. Twice from police officers, twice from landscape guys and twice from people walking. And not one person had heard of the street I was looking for.

There are several ways I could go with this story. One would be to focus on my poor sense of direction. Two might be why didn't I remember to bring what I had written down. But I am going with the effort that I made to be polite and thank every person who could not help me. Despite the incredible urge to cry by the fifth and sixth stop, I tried to be as pleasant as possible and resist yelling at the policeman "How can work in this town not know where every street is? What if you got called to a robbery there?"

I'm proud to say although I lost my way, I didn't lose my commitment to kindness.

And I even eventually delivered my son successfully, with the help of a phone call to his friends dad who guided me there.

It's That Time of the Month; GFTASD That Is

Day 211

A great GFTAS day! I really wanted to start the day with a plan, but nothing came to me. I tried to have faith that the perfect recipient would present herself/himself. And the cool thing is that it actually happened.

I went grocery shopping, as is my Wednesday routine, and picked up a beautiful bouquet of Alstroemeria. They are one of my favorite flowers, not to mention they are on the inexpensive side (and I hope that doesn't make me any less kind). I figured it was early in the day, and that sooner or later I would just know who to give them to.

As I was putting my groceries on the belt I noticed an elderly couple behind me joking with the employees at the store. Clearly regulars, they seemed very nice and friendly as if they brought good cheer with them wherever they went. And there I was with the perfect opportunity to bring them some cheer as well. After I finished paying, I put the flowers on the counter near the young man who was bagging. I whispered to him to please give them to the couple behind me when I was out the door. I then got to my car as quickly as possible, threw my bags in the back and jumped in, slouching down so I could watch their reaction.

When they came out of the store they both had great smiles on their faces. It was just plain fun to know that I had put them there. Another Give Flowers to a Stranger Day and I'm already looking forward to the 27th next month.

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New to this blog? Wondering what GFTASD is? The history of Give Flowers to a Stranger Day can be found in these previous entries.


Monthly Feature
Flowers For a Stranger
Flowers Anonymous
Controversial Kindness
It's Sweeping the Nation!
GFTASD

Kind of Old Tricks

Day 210

Back to my old kindness tricks today, the ones I do in the absence of a new idea. I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from work to pick up a couple things for dinner (lemony chicken and rice soup, with salad and bread, in case someone needs details) and realized after I checked out that I had yet to complete my act of kindness today. I trekked back into the store to the peanut butter aisle and grabbed a jar to deposit in the food pantry bin at the front of the store.

Not original (as evidenced by the entry on Day 168), not interesting, certainly not exciting and definitely lacking any humorous angle, but keeping the kindness streak alive. Bring on day 211.

Teacher Appreciation

Day 209

School conference today for my son. As the kids get older, they are taught by a “team” which consists of several teachers. This means conferences go from one on one to the parent sitting there with four (or more) teachers. This can be a little.....intimidating. The language arts teacher (back in the day we called it English) at the meeting was very kind and listened very intently to what I had to say. I was extremely grateful for her presence.

When I returned to work after the meeting I wrote her a quick email thanking her and expressing my appreciation that she is my son's teacher. Although I wrote similar blog entry last April, one thing I know is true, you can never thank teachers enough.

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Only to more days until the 27th, and you know what that means! Give Flowers to A Stranger Day! For a history of this holiday please read this previous entry.

Sending Best Wishes to Some Great Guys

Day 208

About a month ago I wrote about the men who run the fish store where I have been going for years. I said how pleasant and cheerful they were whenever I went in. A friend who realized we buy our fish at the same place when she read the blog entry told me yesterday that she had heard that there was a fire there last week, and that the shop is closed until they can make the needed repairs. This is a tough break for any business, but this is a small family owned place run by the absolute nicest guys which makes you feel for them even more.

She was planning to send them a card to show her support and she thought I might be interested in doing the same. I was, and I sent it off today. A very small gesture in the face of very sad misfortune. Here's to a speedy recovery for the friendliest fish shop on the planet.

Mission Accomplished

Day 207

Quoting my husband "It's over, it's done, thank God." Our Halloween party benefit raised over $300 for Partners in Health, it's almost 11:30 PM, I'm heading to bed.

Grateful for Kindness

Day 206

I'm counting today's act of kindness as the work that went into preparing for our Halloween charity party tomorrow. It feels like a bit of a repeat because I wrote about it last weekend and probably will tomorrow as well. But I do believe it “qualifies” because we are raising funds for place that needs it (Haiti) and just as important, it brings our friends and family a lot of joy.

But the real story of kindness for today is the help we received from our friends. A few folks came over to help stuff dummies, makes signs, carve pumpkins, and basically do whatever we needed or asked. And kept the fun and humor in all of it. They made sure I didn't cry, and eventually laughed when we discovered the dogs had eaten the trays of cupcakes waiting to be frosted. Not to mention of course then assuring me they would make replacement cupcakes.

Today I felt incredibly grateful to be the recipient not just one act of kindness, but a whole day filled with it.

Kindness In Cyberspace

Day 205

We recently ordered glasses for my son through an on-line company (they are unbelievably inexpensive this way, in case you are wondering why we would do this through the Internet, as some folks have remarked to us). This is an fairly regular routine for us, since 10 year old active boys and eye glasses are rarely a good combination. The latest pair fell victim to a foot during a basketball game.

Apparently the order I made at first was riddled with errors, because I received a very polite email from “SL” pointing on the three reasons they could not fill my order. And the name was signed exactly “SL,” I'm not editing for confidentiality. So I wrote back to “SL” with a few more questions. I received a few more answers, this time from “RM.” This email was also polite and included more helpful details on how could fix my errors. Now, truth be told, I was feeling a little defensive about SL and RM pointing out that I couldn't complete a simple internet order form.

But kindness prevailed over defensiveness. I wrote back a final email thanking both SL and RM for their help in getting my order back on track. I am not convinced either one will ever see it, but I hope whoever does, as I suspect it may be received by another set of initials, they know that the help that they send off into cyberspace is appreciated.

Hitting My Stride

Day 204

While checking out at the grocery store this morning, the young man bagging for me apologized for seeming “sleepy.” I said he didn’t look that way at all to me, and thanked him for doing a fabulous job. It was truly a delight to see his face brighten up, and he replied “That’s the first compliment I have gotten all day!” I said that it was still early in the day, and I was sure more would be coming his way.

Some days this kindness thing is fun and some days it feels like a chore. The best is when I’m not even aware it’s happening. Today was one of those days!

Copying for Kindness

Day 203

Out tonight for some last minute food shopping for our Halloween benefit party. I realized at about 7 pm that I had yet to commit my daily act of kindness. Taking a page from Secret Agent L's book (check out her website if you haven't seen it) and knowing that the best ideas are usually invented by other people, I bought a Halloween card and a $1.00 tube of 15 glow bracelets. I wrote on the card “Have a great spooky season” and found a car in the parking lot that looked like it belonged to family with children. The card and tube were carefully placed on a the driver side windshield and I drove off under the cover of darkness.

Halloween, the season that just keeps on giving!

A Pledge

Day 202

I signed a pledge today on line to commit myself to do “whatever I can to ensure that each and every person in my community is treated with dignity and respect.” It is being circulated by Jewish community organizations in response to the recent suicides by gay teenagers. Not so much an act of kindness, but a commitment to kindness in the face of bullying and intolerance. Thank you to my friend N for making me aware of the opportunity to feel like I am doing something, however small, in the face of such tragedy.

Ghosts, Goblins, and Ghouls for Kindness

Day 201

Hell week has begun here in our neck of the woods. This is the week preceding our annual Halloween party in the woods behind our house. We have been doing this for over 10 years now, and I am proud to say it is a BTB act of kindness. That's “before the blog.” Traditionally we set out a bucket at the entrance to the woods to collect money for a charity. This year the boys have requested that donations go to the recovery effort in Haiti.

Years ago it was a very small party with family and close friends. When the boys were very young they didn't have any friends or opinions, so it was much easier. Now the guest list has grown exponentially, as have the boys ideas about how we should decorate and what type of activities we should have. I prefer the non-democratic way of party planning, but those days have passed. So, it was an action packed day spent clearing the path for haunted trail, preparing for the campfire, stuffing dummies, and negotiating what type of decorations were appropriate for 12 year old boys as well as very young children (blood and gore were overruled).

We will continue at this pace for the rest of the week and hope that next Saturday brings a great gathering of friends, family, ghosts and goblins to celebrate with us. And if someone out there is looking to commit an act of kindness this week, a little prayer for clear skies would be greatly appreciated.

What To Do Today?

Day 200

It was a windy one today! Leaves blowing all over the place, along with trash barrels and recycle bins that folks hadn’t yet taken in from yesterday. However, one person’s trash can in the middle of the road is another’s act of kindness, as I stopped several times while driving in order to pick of the barrels and bins from the road and place them back in their owner’s.

The answer for what kind act to do to day was blowin'in the wind.

Boo to Kindness

Day 199

We were 'Booed' yesterday, something that has never happened to us before. If you're not familiar with this tradition, it is something that occurs around Halloween. Neighbors leave treats on the doorstep, ring the door bell, and run. Along with the treats are instructions to pass along the “Boo” to two more neighbors.

Now, I had heard about booing before, and Love Your Neighbor recently wrote about it in her blog as well. I never considered it coming to our neighborhood because we live in the country where the houses are few and far between. Our house is set back a ways off the road, so it would take a brave soul to ring our doorbell and run. As a matter of fact our booer left the treats in the mailbox, so it appears we were visited by a kind, yet not courageous booer.

I am good at following directions and of course am always on the lookout for a kind act, so I dutifully put together two packages of treats and sent my husband and the boys under the cover of darkness to boo some neighbors. The boys dressed from head to toe in black in order to elude detection. My husband, not quite as adventurous, carried a flashlight in order to elude tripping over roots and rocks. And I managed to elude all danger by staying home. They came back crowing about the success of their mission, and the fun they had hiding in the bushes watching the surprise be discovered. This is one more reason to add to the list of why Halloween is the favorite holiday in our house.

Around here, it really is the most wonderful time of the year!

With A Little Help From My Friends

Day 198

A friend at work today forwarded me an email with the subject line “an easy act of kindness.” And it just so happened I was in need of just such a thing today.

It was from a group that is working to rebuild Haiti, with pictures and a description of some what they have done there so far. The email asked that the recipient send along an email of encouragement, letting the workers know what they are doing is recognized and appreciated. It was a click on link so it could not have been any easier. Now, I must admit I did feel a bit of suspicion when I looked at the request. While this is a well-respected organization we have supported in the past and will continue to in the future, I found it hard to believe all they want from me (and everyone else who got the email) was support and kind words for the folks doing the work. I can't imagine it will not somehow lead to a request for another donation. But I also wonder how many acts of kindness I have NOT committed over the years because of skepticism, healthy or otherwise.

In the end, I filed it in my brain under the “what do I have to lose” category, and sent along a sincere, heartfelt email thanking them for the truly incredible work they are doing in a place so desperate for help. And I absolutely felt grateful for the opportunity to do so. Thanks for the idea P!

Quick But Worthy

Day 197

We had a meeting at my son's school today and while we were there one of the teachers asked where I got the cover for my organizer. He had similar one and was in need of something to prevent it from getting scratched up. I said I actually couldn't remember, that I had bought it online about a year ago from a site I couldn't recall. As soon as I got I home I looked up the link and emailed it to him.

That's it, a simple, fairly uninteresting act of kindness for today. But I was reminded once again as I have been throughout this project, that the quicker a kind thought is translated into a kind act, the likely-hood of procrastination rearing it's ugly head and snatching the act from completion is greatly diminished. Score one for starving the monster today.

Second Place for Kindness

Day 196

When my two boys were younger, I was quite certain that they were the cutest babies that ever lived. I know other people thought THEIR kids were the cutest, but mine really were. While out to dinner tonight, my husband and I noticed a couple at the next table with their baby boy. He looked to be around a year or so. And the mom and dad were looking at him with beaming smiles on their faces as if they were sure that HE was the cutest baby that ever lived. Truth be told, he was kind of adorable.

I told my husband that I was going to stop by the table on our way out and tell the couple what a handsome well-behaved little guy they had. Usually quite supportive of my daily acts of kindness, this time my husband's support came in the form of making sure to walk five steps ahead of me, as he thought this one was a bit embarrassing. Undeterred, I followed through with my plan and the smiles on the parents' faces grew bigger and prouder. And the kindest act of all, I didn't tell them the total truth; that their baby was only the second cutest that every lived, that the number one spot was already occupied by a two way tie.

It's What's for Dinner

Day 195

I was at the grocery store early this morning getting the ingredients for crock pot beef stew so I could get it put together and let stew, so to speak, all day. As I hovered around the beef section, I was feeling a bit lost as I always do in that part of the store. We eat red meat only occasionally, so I am never confident about how to buy it. As I stood there, my confusion was apparently obvious because an older woman (probably in her mid 70's or so) asked me what I was looking for. I told her what I was making and she immediately started showing me what cuts are good for crock pot cooking and explaining why. I am excluding details here because thinking too much about these particulars is why I rarely eat red meat.

She took what I had in my hand and pointed out a different selection that was on sale and, in her opinion, would be just as good at half the price. Realizing that I was in the company of someone far more knowledgeable than I on the subject, I immediately put down what I had and grabbed a package of what she recommended..

Satisfied that she had helped me find just the right choice she was off with her cart, exclaiming as she left “If your family doesn't like it, you can blame it on the nosy lady in the store.”

So today's act of kindness was really that a stranger was kind to me. But it really did feel more natural chatting in the beef aisle with someone I didn't know than I think it would have before I started this project. The world is starting to seem a little smaller and a little friendlier. And as an added bonus, the stew was delicious.

Neighborly Kindness or I'm An Embarassed Neighbor

Day 194

When I was out running today I went past my neighbors' house, where my sons wander over to a couple times a week. Their teenage niece lives there too and my sons have met her on many occasions. I, however, have not. Her cousins, boys ages 4 and 7 are here frequently playing assorted games that involve weapons with my boys. But I suppose a teenage girl has other things to do.

When I saw her in the yard with her friends I introduced myself as my sons' mother. I was embarrassed to find out that her name was not Taylor as I as I had been told by my boys. Apparently her nick name with her cousins is Tater, which threw my guys down the wrong name path and subsequently me as well. But I know her name now, and will be able to greet her properly when I see her again. It's the least a neighbor can do.

Kindness in the Woods

Day 193


Today was our first day as a family trying our new found hobby of letterboxing. I wrote a bit about it last week, and you can find out a little more here on Wikpedia.

It was an absolutely perfect fall day to be hiking through the woods in search of the hidden boxes which contained stamps. Although I have been told and read that it is meant to be a secret when hunting, apparently we weren't as stealthy as we could have been. A group passing us on the trail from the other direction noted the computer print out in my hand as we were staring at the “three sister tree” trying to find the "mushroom shaped rock" to the left under which the box was hidden. They asked if we were letterboxing and when we said yes they asked if we wanted to make an exchange. We sheepishly said this was our first time family outing and didn't know what they was referring to. We learned that when you meet fellow searchers on the trail, you exchange stamps in each other's log books.

One of the women in the group told us that this was her 1000th “find” and shared with us some of the trails and “plants” that she thought were both fun and in beautiful places to hike. They were such a nice group of people and it was great fun to discover the kindness of strangers in the middle of the woods.

When we finished our hike we decided to go on one more short one nearby. There we met a father and son who were searching as well and like us, this was their first day. I was happy we had the opportunity to pass along the information we had received and give them the directions to the trail we had just finished.

It is a good day when I can write about the kindness of strangers, coming and going.

Fortunately, It's Not The Thought That Counts

Day 192

On Fridays I try to always make sure I am home from work before the kids got back from school. I left my office in plenty of time and stopped at the grocery store up the street to pick up a couple of things. It was then I realized I had left my wallet on my desk. I went back to get it, still with time to spare. One more stop before I hit the highway during which I ran into an old neighbor whom I hadn't seen in over 10 years. It was fun to catch up, and by the time we said goodbye my cushion of spare time had shrunk dramatically. As I got in the car and started heading home, I realized that my commitment to kindness was going to be tested.

A traffic back up getting on to the highway. People trying to merge in seemingly everywhere. “Surely if I let anyone in ahead of me I wouldn't make it home it time. And shouldn't my first commitment to kindness be to my family?” This was the thought running through my head, only with some swears thrown in and at a loud volume. However the competing argument, also in my head, that I was not going to get me home that much quicker if I didn't let anyone merge. Realistically, perhaps 30 seconds for one person, a minute for a couple. And I wasn't late yet. The kinder me prevailed.

Got past the back up, onto the highway only to run into construction. The road work usually stops around rush hour, but since I was trying to get home early, bam I was right in it. More lane merging, more need to be kind to other drivers. I am proud to say that I was and that I made it home 10 minutes before the boys.

And I am grateful that in this case it is the action, NOT the thought that counts, because it was a long commute filled with very unkind ones.

Kind of Chatty

Day 191

My goal today was to be kind to a stranger. I realize that's sort of the point of this whole thing, and is even the title of the blog. But I have become quite liberal with that, sometimes even resorting to being kind to people I actually know. So I thought todar I would get back to my “roots” so to speak.

I left work around 4, and had yet to come across the opportunity I was looking for. On my way home I stopped at a party store to pick up some items needed for a Halloween event we are having on the 23rd. It is family tradition we do every year, a party in the woods with a bonfire and various ghosts and goblins. We ask our guests to contribute to a charity of our sons' choosing; this year it will benefit the effort to rebuild Haiti. So there you have it, a preview of my October 23rd blog entry.

So as I was checking out with my skull shaped pinata, I realized the cashier was the last stranger I would see today; it was now or never. There was some loud party music playing, the Electric Slide, and I imagined thatit might be irritating for the the 20something woman who was at the register. I asked if it was difficult to listen to all day and and she smiled and said very much so. But she added after working there for a year, she had gotten used to it. I thanked her and that was pretty much the total of our exchange.

I am not, by nature, a chatty person. But my commitment to kindness helps serve to help remind me that stretching past my comfort zone in order acknowledge someone beyond a basic please and thank you is the kind thing to do.

Increasing Kindness....Tomorrow

Day 190

I dropped off a book I recently read at a friend's house today. It was one that I'm pretty sure she will like (Zeitoun, by Dave Eggers, in case someone feels lost without details). A couple of weeks ago I said I would get it to her, but didn't follow through until today.

First I had to find the book. More specifically, determine under which pile it was buried. Then I had to figure out when I would have time to swing by her house. But here is the truth of the matter. If I deviated from my route to or from work it would probably add 10 minutes, tops, to my commute. I committed (in my head) this morning that I would get it to her today and write about it tonight.

So many of the things I have written about this year fall under this category. Small of kindness or courtesy, delayed by procrastination, finally completed with the realization that it was so much easier, less time consuming than it ever was in my head.

I continue to hope that when I finish this project, I can increase kindness by decreasing procrastination.

A Nickel Saved Is Kindness Earned

Day 189

On my way to work this morning I stopped to get some muffins for the staff meeting (an assortment of blueberry, chocolate chip, and New England crumb, in case you are wondering). There was a man ahead of me in line and his order came to $4.05. The cashier asked if he had any change, which he did not. So she took the last coin, a nickel, from the change dish next to the register (the leave a penny take a penny kind) and gave him his change in bills.

My turn, and I didn't have any change either. I paid in bills and received my handful of coins back, then put a nickel back in the dish so it was no longer empty. I think as far as acts of kindness go, this was one of my smallest gestures to date. But what I received back was a wonderful reaction from the cashier, seemingly disproportionate to the size of my action. She gave a huge smile and thanked me as if I had dropped a in a $10 bill. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm going with the simple theory that kindness just makes people feel good.

Still Learning

Day 188

In the absence of any original ideas today, this afternoon I resorted to the old “buy a coffee for the next person who comes in” trick. I asked that the cashier wait until I left before giving it to someone. As I was waiting for my drink a friend and colleague came into the coffee shop. Apparently she also too needs a little caffeine to get past the 4 o'clock hour. We talked for a few minutes and said goodbye.

Now this particular friend is part of a very small and exclusive group; she follows my blog regularly. It occurred to me that, had I walked out just a minute earlier, she would have been the recipient of my act of kindness. And had that happened, she might have guessed the origin of the gift. Truth be told, I was a little disappointed. It would have been fun for her to receive it, and I would have had a blast writing about it.

I called her to tell her about the near miss, and how I wished she had gotten the surprise. She said that she was glad she didn't, because then we wouldn't have seen each other. Which was a really, really nice thing to say. Thus teaching this self proclaimed kindness queen a thing or two about the subject.

Kindness in a Letterbox

Day 187

My boys and I were introduced to a new activity today called letterboxing. It is a hobby that combines hiking and treasure hunting where participants search for hidden letterboxes by following clues that are posted on the internet. Once the box is found they record the finding in their notebook with the help of a rubber stamp that's part of the letterbox. In addition, participants have their own personal stamps which they use to stamp into the letterbox's log book. This is a bare bones explanation really, and I'm sure if any letterboxers out there are reading this they are cringing. If you are interested in more details there are tons of websites, but Atlas Quest is where I'm getting most of my information.

So our friends took us on a hike this glorious, albeit chilly fall day and helped teach us about the ins and outs of the hobby. Apparently, I am sworn to secrecy about the details of what we found and where, but I am allowed to say it was a rubber stamp, an ink pad, and a journal of all the previous finders. In order to protect them from the weather the contents were wrapped in a Ziploc bag, placed in a plastic container, which was wrapped in another Ziploc bag, and it was under a rock somewhere in Rhode Island. No matter how much you beg I will not tell you anything else.

Except this. The ziploc on the outer plastic bag was broken, increasing the risk of water damage to the contents inside. When I got home later in the afternoon I spent a good deal of time (my husband might say too much time) searching the Atlas Quest website to learn about this world I knew nothing about before today. And I found out that it is courteous in this letterboxing community to let the planters of the box (note how I am already working the lingo into my vocabulary) if there are any repairs needed.

Excellent! Daily commitment to kindness meets letterboxing. I then spent even more time trying to figure how exactly you pass on the message to the “planters.” Many clicks later I had the information I needed and details of the needed box upkeep were sent. My kind deed was done for the day, freeing up more time in the day researching what might become my new addiction.

Kind In The Midst of Evil

Day 186

Soccer season. The time of the year when I get to watch my son play while having all sorts of unkind thoughts run through my mind. Really unkind thoughts. Ones I definitely can't say in a G rated blog. I have these thoughts every time I hear a parent criticizing their kids from the sidelines. “You let him by you!” “What are you doing out there?” Or yelling at the referee “What kind of call was that?” Mostly these parents have never played the sport and have no idea how hard it is once you're on the field.

Today I noticed the woman next to me shouting encouragement to all the players on our team and a couple of kids on the other team as well. At halftime I went over to her and told her how refreshing it was to hear such positive comments coming from the sidelines. She said that she was a second grade teacher in town, so she knew a lot of the kids the other team as well as on her son's team. She also said that she coaches her daughter's soccer team, and the kids like to tease her because she often cheers for the opposing team as well as her own.

For today at least, my theory about the evil sports parent was debunked, and my faith in kindness restored.