The Motivation for Kindness? Seedlings and a Del's

Day 122

My younger son and I worked in the community garden today. It was not without complaint that he left his Saturday morning cartoons for this task. I promised him we would stay no longer than a half an hour.

When we go there he was quick to notice the winter squash that he and his brother planted a week and a half ago had already sprouted. This definitely provided the near instant gratification needed to maintain some level of motivation. When the half hour was up, he actually volunteered that we should stay longer so that we could finish weeding and mulching the row we had started.

A frozen lemonade (Del's if you're from these parts) on the way home, and I'd like to think that and the seedling will be enough motivation to get him back to weed another day.

My Fifteen Seconds of Fame

Day 121

I stopped for my morning coffee today, at the same place where I had bought a cup for a stranger a few days ago (Cup Of Kindness Plus More, July 25). The young man who waited on me was the same one who had expressed so much excitement about getting to be the one to carry out the deed. At first he didn't recognize me, but when he did, his face lit up. “Oh my God, you're the lady!” I think it was the closest I have ever felt in my life to being a celebrity. He went on to tell me how excited the woman whom he had given the coffee to was, that she called her boyfriend right then and there to tell him about it. And said that she that she was going to make sure to do the same thing for someone else. It was absolutely a great way to start the day.

My act of kindness for the day pales in comparison, in terms of excitement and interest. On Fridays at work we pay a dollar for charity to wear blue jeans. Today I paid two dollars AND I didn't wear jeans. It won't give me celebrity status, but I did my deed for the day.

Kind of Corny

Day 120

Corn delivery today to the soup kitchen, via the local farm stand. They gave us about 50 pounds of it along with a gallon of farm fresh milk that they sell. In a way, we were but the conduit of another's kindness and are left with a question to ponder---is this still OUR kindness?

Act of (Yawn) Kindness

Day 119

I was shopping for some home goods at Home Goods today, and when I finished, I made sure to return my shopping cart to a row stacked in the front of the store. There was no cart corral so my choice was just leave it sitting in the parking lot or return it to the store. In the name of kindness to the drivers and whom ever would have to collect the carts I chose the latter.

I can think of absolutely no way to make that act sound interesting. But in three days I will officially be one third of the way though the year. Which means I have two thirds of year to go. So in the interest of going the distance, I will say that kindness doesn't have to always be clever to count.

Controversial Kindness

Day 118

The day started with great anticipation as it was, of course, Give Flowers to a Stranger Day. I bought a bunch of Gerber daisies first thing in the morning, and brought them into work, not yet sure who the recipient would be. One of my co-workers, a sometimes blog follower with knowledge of GFTAS Day, noticed and asked who would be getting them. I said I wasn't sure, that I didn't have a plan just yet. I felt confident I would meet a deserving stranger as the day progressed.

Later in the morning my boss (not a follower of the blog and therefore unaware of today's holiday status) stopped by my office and commented how beautiful the flowers were, that Gerber daisies were one of her favorite flowers. Hmm, not a stranger, but should it be her?

A bit later an email exchange ensued between my boss, another co-worker, and me regarding a meeting scheduled later in the week, one that my boss had apparently forgotten about. I speculated (jokingly, which is usually a bad idea in email) that perhaps that this memory lapse could be connected to her advancing age. The co-worker (a regular blog follower) commented that this was an rather unkind remark for a person who writes about being kind. My boss countered that perhaps an act of kindness could right the wrong and provide some balance.

And so it was meant to be. My boss became the recipient of the flowers.

On my way out at the end of the day the sometimes blog follower co-worker asked who received the flowers. When I told her they went to our boss she indicated, not subtley, that she thought this more qualified as an act of kiss a** than an act of kindness.

And so concludes another Give Flowers to a Stranger Day. Sometimes it ain't easy being kind.

Kindness Odds and Ends

Day 117

No exciting act to report today. I mailed a card I have been meaning to send. I responded to an email that had been in my inbox a few days too long. My husband and son stopped by the soup kitchen with some vegetables from our garden. I was at work when this happened, but I did plant the seeds in the garden, and made sure there were extra when I did. So if one were really trying to stretch and claim an act of kindness for the the day, perhaps that would be it.

That leaves me with the question do several kindness odds and ends add up to one act of kindness for the day?

Remember, tomorrow is the is the 27th of the month, and that means, of course, that it is Give Flowers to a Stranger Day.

Cup of Kindess Plus More

Day 116

I'm almost a third of the way through this project, the official marker coming in about a week or so. What that means to me today is a reminder that it is getting increasingly difficult to think of anything new or original to do. I've even taken to googling “random acts of kindness” ever once in a while for ideas. I actually found a list, 29 Ways To Be Kind. Turns out, I've already done over half of them, and pretty much all the ones that are feasible for me. One idea, “walk a friends dog” had not occurred to me. Now I'm just waiting for the right opportunity. So Shorty, Lola, Kirby, Rowdy, Jake, Holly, Merlin, Tara, Oaky, Elvis and Cocoa, look out; I'm coming for you next.

In the meantime today it was the same ole same ole, bought a cup of coffee for someone, with the instructions for the cashier to wait for the first customer who came in after I left. What was different and totally fun was his reaction. The cashier (or barista as they seem to be called in this chain) expressed excitement and joy that he could do this for someone. He said that I made his day. And that, I believe might even qualify as a of two for one act of kindness. Or as they might say in this coffee shop “a cup of kindness with an add shot.”

Be Kind to Salespeople. If My Husband Can Do It, You Can Too

Day 115

We went to a local music festival today that was sparsely attended, at least when we were there. As a result many of the vendors were hanging around without much to do. Set up near one of the stages was new car (a Ford Fiesta) with two sales people trying to drum up some excitement about it. Like the vendors, they were seriously lacking customers. It was impossible to get into the music venue without walking past them.

The first time we walked by I said “no thank you” as they tried to get me to look at the car and fill out a form. But the next time we passed my husband, to my surprise, stopped to chat. Engaging sales people is not usually his style. He is definitely not a fan of the sales pitch. But, he let our kids climb inside the car and had a spirited conversation with the overenthusiastic, near desperate salesman about the “cool” features of the car, which there was no chance at all we would ever buy.

Finally, before we walked away, my husband filled out the form the young man pushed on him (actually the third time he asked us to fill it out). As we walked away, my husband turned to me and said “There's your act of kindness for the day.” And so it was.

The Family That Blogs Together...

Day 114
One of the the goals of this year long project is to instill in our sons the importance of being kind to others. But the balance is making them feel good about what they are doing, and not resentful that we are doing it. This has been particularly true about our involvement at the community garden. There is not a lot of cheering in our house when we announce it is time to go volunteer. Today my older son is offering his perspective:

My family and I went to the community garden today and planted, dug and weeded until we were were sweating like pigs. We did this to help people who don't have enough nutrition and food. I wasn't thrilled to be going there. In fact, I was sulking because I didn't want to go and I wasn't having a blast like I wanted to be having.

During the planting I was trying to be enthusiastic but it wasn't working one bit. But after we had done our deed I felt happy that I was helping someone somewhere in the world. I guess that's what counts.

Sometimes It Takes A Village To Be Kind

Day 113

I am pleased to report that our garden project, (“Tom and Huck,” July 9) collecting vegetables from backyard gardens and delivering them to the local soup kitchen, is off and running at a good clip. One of the primary reasons I am happy about this is that I there are few days that I have to wonder what new act of kindness I can come up with, sad as that may be for the stranger for whom I might have bought a cup of coffee.

Today I picked up about 150 pounds of assorted vegetables from a local farm stand and delivered them to the soup kitchen. The farmer who owns the stand is very generous about donating, but says he doesn’t have time to deliver. So it is a good partnership with our “veggie collaborative.”

When I arrived at the kitchen and started taking the boxes out of the car, the folks who were standing outside waiting for it to open immediately came to help me, which was a good thing as I was alone today with a large load. Between the farmer, the folks helping unload the car, and me, it definitely felt like a cooperative act of kindness today.

The Path to Kindness

Day 112

My family took a ride on a bike path tonight in an area we hadn't ridden before. We had been visiting friends and they suggested a place to stop to eat not too far off the path. As it was getting close to dinner time it was starting to look like rain was imminent. We weren't sure how much further we had to go so we stopped a woman walking along the path to ask. She was very nice, but couldn't help us. Meanwhile another woman inside a house near the path saw us asking and came out to see if she could be helpful. It was incredibly kind of her, going out of her way be helpful to complete strangers.

A discussion ensued about how far the restaurant was, the impending storm and the hunger level of the kids that was producing some level of irritability. Seeing that (and it was embarrassingly obvious) she then offered to give us some snacks for the ride. “How about some apples? Or some crackers?” We declined (politely, at least I hope it was perceived that way) and peddled on our way. All four of us were a bit taken back that someone would be so nice. I may be writing this kindness blog, but it would not have of occurred to me to make such an offer. I'm not THAT kind.

With the excellent directions we received, it was just a short ride to dinner, we ate before the hunger fueled ill-tempers exploded, and rode the 5 miles back to the car just 10 minutes before the sky let loose. A fun night, thanks to our new found friend on the bike path.

As for my act of kindness for the day, I gave the kids each a dollar to contribute for the jar on the restaurant counter, a collection to help with the difficult circumstances of an employee. My quota was filled, but I was inspired by the kindness of a stranger.

Extra Veggies=Act of Kindness

Working on the collaborative garden project today. Sent out a press release to the local paper offering to pick up excess veggies from family gardens to donate to the local soup kitchen. We've already dropped off two loads from our garden alone, so it's looking to be a good year for vegetables. It also helps the tally for those daily acts of kindness....

The Power of the Deadline

Last week I set a deadline for myself to deliver by today books to the program for prison libraries. I started sorting last Sunday (Not So Fast....July 11) and promptly stopped when it became apparent that there was no way I could complete the task that day. Yesterday I looked at the pile of books around my house and realized I was down to the last day. I sorted some more, stuffed them into bags and they were ready to go.

Today was a day off from work. The plan was deliver them on the way to the beach. And then the thunder storms rolled in... Change in activities, a movie with the family instead. But the book drop off was not near the theater. I think, I'll do it later in the week, because it wasn't actually a REAL deadline.....

But then, what if there is that one person out there who read last week that I committed to doing this, and will know that I didn't follow through? What if they think “this whole blog is a farce” because I didn't donate the books when I said I would? What is the point of setting a deadline if you don't meet it? And the most pressing question of all, “Am I going to ruin a perfectly good vacation day by obsessing about when to deliver these bags of books?”

I decided to go out of the way and drop off the books, then meet my family at the movies. I missed the previews but met my deadline. And for that one reader out there who was keeping track, I did it for you.

Keeping It Honest

Two blog entries today, because the one I posted this morning actually happened yesterday. Keeping up with writing daily is getting a little trickier in these dog days of summer...

In January when the earthquake happened in Haiti, we donated money like so many other people and told ourselves we would continue our support throughout the year. It is the middle of July and we have not yet kept that pledge. Today we sent off a donation to an organization that is providing health care in Haiti.

Nothing like a public blog to keep you honest to yourself.

Fried Dough With Kindness

Lakeside again, which makes sense since is has been so hot. For the most part, we try to stay away from the concession stand, as the money and the calories add up. But parental resistance was low today, so the plea for fried dough was granted.

The girl who is usually running the stand is about 16 years old and is always pleasant, no matter what kind of harrassment she is experiencing from the customers. Whenever I see her, I make sure to let her know that we are impressed by her demeanor (and put money in the tip jar, which I suspect she appreciates more than my words). Today, motivated by the blog, I sought out her mother who is the manager of the stand.

I told the mom what a great job her daughter does, and that it is something we notice every time we see her. In a mom like way, she talked about how proud of her she is, and that working with the public can be difficult. She said that her daughter often has to wait on people who are rude to her, but that she always displays grace under pressure.

Today I was happy today to be the voice of kindess from the public.

Tennis Ball Coming. Duck!

We spent some time at the lake this very hot evening, with the crowds and the fish and the ducks. Often there I see young children chasing the ducks. It always bothers me, but they never seem to have a problem getting away, flying running or swimming. And they return rather quickly looking for scraps, so I suppose they aren't traumatized by the experience. Or at least as traumatized as I am.

But tonight I saw a boy, around fiver or six years old, throwing a tennis ball at a duck in the water. I looked around, no adult in sight. I thought perhaps he was just trying to make it swim, but when I watched more closely, it was seemed that wasn't the intent. I walked over and said as kindly as I could muster “Don't do that, you might hit him” to which he replied “That's what I want to do.” I then said in a more stern mother voice “Don't do it again. It's a mean thing to do.” I felt a little bad, as it was clear he did not understand why, and this is something that needs to be taught to a child, ideally not by a stranger lakeside.

My husband's view was that this does not qualify as an act of kindness. But my younger son, lover of all animals, had no doubt that it does. The duck did not express an opinion.

Teacher's Advice Remembered

My son has referenced his teacher's advice to him several different times this summer, which was a bit surprising since he rarely mentioned things she said during the school year. But it has become clear that he was listening and valued what she had to say. I thought that she would like to know especially since I'm pretty sure he didn't exactly look like he was paying attention in class. So in the spirit of kindness and fulfilling a blog entry, I sent her an email tonight to let her know that fifth grade may be in the past, but it is definitely not forgotten.

Almost Heroic

As I was driving this afternoon I came upon a tree down partway across the road. It was lying on some electrical wires, and the road was impassible. There was one car ahead of me, stopped with the flashers going. I assumed that the driver in the car was reporting it to “the authorities.” I started to back up to turn around, and thought perhaps I should make sure everything was ok with whomever was in that car. Maybe they aren’t calling it in and I need to. Maybe they were actually hurt when the tree fell.

It would make for a much more interesting blog entry if I were to say at this point, the driver was injured so I performed CPR as I called an ambulance. Then, as sparks were flying from the wires, I cleared the tree from the road to prevent further injury to the next unsuspecting driver. However, when I walked up to the car ahead of me, the driver rolled down his window and smiled as he was on the phone, nodding affirmative when I asked if he was ok and if he was reporting the road blockage.

It was not an act of heroism to be sure, but I resisted the urge to drive away before assuring that all was well, and that’s got to count for something.

Today's Thought, Tomorrow's Action

Getting amped up for our veggie project. Today we picked the first major harvest from our garden to donate to the soup kitchen. By major harvest, I mean about a grocery bag full, but you put them all together and they start to add up. Collected another large bag from another back yard gardener. Made a call to our partner in the project, the organized half. And the one with the good memory, who reminded us that the soup kitchen is closed on Tuesdays. Today, it’s the thought that counts, tomorrow it’s the act.

Kindness and Civics

Entering the grocery store today I passed a man trying to collect names on a petition as a first step in getting his name on the ballot for governor. I saw several people pass him and ignore him, and one man said he wouldn't sign because he didn't know anything about h im as a candidate. I figured there was only one way to find out so when I was leaving I stopped and asked him why he was running. I have to admit, I really couldn't follow what he said. Something about a new model for growth, foreclosure protection without bankruptcy, and a few other things I couldn't track. I decided that supporting him to be on the ballot was a separate issue from supporting him to be governor, and I could work that one out later.

I signed his petition and considered it my participation in government as well as my act kindness for the day.

Not So Fast....

A friend suggested that if I was looking for a kind deed, I could donate some books to a program she was familiar with, one that develops libraries for prisons. Sounded like a good idea, throw some books in a bag, drop them off, blog about it.

I started taking some dusty books off the shelf (also dusty). Then I found a name written in one of them. Oops, I guess I forgot to return it to her. Put that one aside. I begin wondering if some of the other titles were borrowed and not returned to the rightful owner. Now there are several piles going. Donate. Return to owner. Might belong to someone else. My husband noticed the piles and said he would like to go through his books too. More stacks appear.

So this act of kindness will not be completed today. But I am hopeful that by publically posting about it, I will actually finish it with a minimum of procrastination. I’m giving myself a week…

"Acting" Kind

We spent about an hour in the community garden today, weeding. It was hot and humid, my son was getting over a stomach bug and truth be told, it was not a ton of fun. It was even more not fun for the garden coordinator since he is dealing with very few volunteers, a stifling heat wave and a couple of woodchucks who have wreaked havoc. But he was optimistic and pleasant so we were forced to act the same way.

We are going on the theory that if we act like we're having a good time, the feelings will follow. I'll let you know how it goes.....

Tom and Huck

My kids and I got together with some friends this afternoon to work on a project we did last year, the veggie collaborative. We collect extra vegetables people donate from their back yard gardens and deliver them weekly to a local soup kitchen. The kids make posters that we put up around town letting folks know to call us if they want us to pick up their garden excess. The four kids did a great job on the posters. While they may sound like an incredible civic minded young bunch, the truth is they knew that getting the posters done meant they could then goof off and play together.

My family started doing this several years ago, and last year we asked our friends if they wanted to team up with us. Actually, I feel a little like Tom Sawyer when he gets some kids to paint the picket fence for him and convinces them it is fun. My friend ended up doing the bulk of the work, making the majority of the pick up and deliveries. This year she is way ahead of me with organizing the posters, press releases and system for recording the donations. I won't tell you her name, but you can call her Huck Finn.

Kindness Over Easy

My husband was making omelets for dinner tonight, and half way through the prep he realized that we didn't have enough eggs. He dashed off to the convenience store while the veggies slowly sauteing in the pan.. According to his report on the shopping trip, the woman ahead of him at the cash register had many items to his one. More frustrating was that she came up a $1.25 short. As she started to return to her car to rummage around for more money, my husband quickly offered to cover the cost.

Was it the need to get back to the half cooked meal? Or was it kindness? More importantly, if it was kindness, do I get to consider it this evening's blog entry? When pressed for details about his decision making process, he admitted he was mostly driven by the pressure to get home to his cooking. He did however add that were it not for this kindness commitment, he would not have thought to offer to help with the bill.

So, after careful consideration, and the absence of any other acts today, I'm taking credit.

Leftover Kindness

We spent the late afternoon and early evening with friends at the lake near our house tonight, trying to escape the heat and avoid having to cook. The water took care of the heat and pizza delivered to us lakeside eliminated the need to make dinner. One of the life guards commented that the pizza looked good and asked from which place we ordered, as apparently several will deliver to the beach. While cleaning up we began walking right past him to throw our trash away, which included a couple leftover pieces of pizza. I realized that perhaps he was hinting something when he commented how good the food looked. It suddenly seemed rude and wasteful to continue on to the garbage can. We offered him, along with another lifeguard who had joined him in the chair, the leftovers. They responded yes happily and quickly.

As we walked by them to leave, they thanked us again and said that we had made their day.

Peanut Butter in the Clutch

I was in the grocery store this evening, about 6 pm, no act of kindness yet to write about yet. So in the absence of an original idea, I bought my usual donation to drop in the the food pantry box. It's 9 pm and nothing more newsworthy in the kindness department happened, so peanut butter will have to suffice for the day.

Family Feud

A couple weeks ago I wrote about buying a net for my son's friend so they could try to catch fish at the lake where we swim. What I didn't say was that it was fairly inexpensive net (cheap one might say) and it broke after an hour of use. While on vacation I found some better nets, perfect for trying to scoop up the fish (and then release them) that come to the edge of the lake and practically jump to the surface for bread crumbs.

Today was the first day my boys got to use their new nets at the lake. They were very quickly surrounded not only by fish waiting for bread crumbs, but a small crowd of children wanting to get in on the fish catching action. After a short time my older son lost interest and decided to swim. but my younger son stood their patiently into the early evening, trying to scoop up the unsuspecting fish. The spare net was at first shared with a boy they had just met. Then he passed it to his sister, and she passed it to someone else, and so on and so on. There is no way to overemphasize the incredible allure of fish scooping at this lake

On the shore, our family began dividing into separate teams regarding the passing of the net. Team Trust and Team Worry. Team Trust was founded on the belief that we would eventually get the net back and that sharing was the right thing to do. Team Worry was concerned that we just got the nets, and we might never see them again or maybe they would be damaged.

We did eventually get our net back, many children got to experience the joy of fish scooping, and I was commanded by my son to “blog about it mom.” I won't say which team I was on, but let the reader remember who the author of this blog is.

Independence Day

Before we left for vacation my younger son asked if we could “go green” in our house. I pointed out to him all the things that we were already doing, but he thought we should be doing more. So our increased efforts starts today. One step is to decrease the paper use on our computer, using both sides whenever possible. And the one I've already used today with great joy, “Turn the light off in your room, we need to be green.” I've only asked them to remember to turn their light off oh, thousands of times, but now it's not just me nagging, it's the environment, AND it was their idea.


Independence from fossil fuels on Independence Day. Sometimes it hard to imagine how every little bit helps, but I know for sure every little bit can't hurt.

R.I.F.

Heading home today, the last thing we did before we left was to drop off donations to support some community services. This is actually something we do every year when we visit, not just in the year of the blog. The question is always where to donate? There is a plethora of bake sales, raffles, duck races, each set up to raise funds for seemingly worthy causes. One year we donated to Emergency Services since my husband had to be taken off the island by ambulance via the ferry....but that's another story.

Several years we donated to the library as it was the only public place to get internet access, which as an email addict, I utilized frequently.. But the past two years a new cafe has offered free wireless and awesome coffee, so that is where I end up each day, sometimes twice, my other addiction being coffee. And if you bring your own cup it's only a dollar. That alone is worthy of a donation. But it's not just a cafe, it is part of a non-profit education project set up, in part, to give job experience and training for local youth and young adults.

So we decided this year to split our donation between the cafe and library. While coffee and internet may feel essential to me, reading is fundamental.

Nickel and Dimes for Kindness

Last day before we head home tomorrow. Trying to cram in fun, adventure, relaxation and clean up into the day. One of the chores involves separating recyclables from the returnables. Then we take the returnables downtown and sort them in the bins that are set up so the deposits are collected and donated to elder care services in the community. Our part is only a very small gesture compared to the efforts of the brigade of volunteers who work to insure the bottle nickel and dime deposits translate into significant donations for this service.

Not a fascinating act of kindness to be sure, but it's our family's effort to be doing what we what we can.

Dinner Music

We ate dinner tonight one of the few restaurants in town. It is very casual, order at the counter, have a seat and wait for your name to be called.. Not that it has any relevance in this context at all, but this place has the best seafood chowder. Anywhere.

While we were waiting for our food, a man sat down at the piano (while he was waiting for his food) and started playing. My son nervously asked “Is he supposed to do that?” It was an old piano, completely covered with various knick knacks, unique salt and pepper shakers, dolls and an assortment of other things that may or may not have had some common theme to tie them together. That is why, until we heard the music, it was not obvious that it was a working piano. We assured him that yes, it was there to be used and enjoyed.

The man played beautifully, and it was a great surprise to be treated to a pre-dinner show. When he stopped (apparently his order was ready) it seemed wrong that there was no applause.
On our way out I stopped by his table and told him how much we enjoyed hearing him play. This was definitely one of those “forced by the blog” moves, as I felt awkward doing so. But, as I'm learning from experience, a feeling of momentary awkwardness was replaced by a wondering of why I was hesitant in the first place.

Kind Once, Kind Twice

There are amazing perennial gardens here. Whenever I visit I love to take walks touring my favorites. There is one in particular that is I make sure to see every year. About four or five years ago the woman who owns the house and garden was out in the yard and I stopped to chat. I told her how much I admired her flowers and she told me about the work she had done to design the garden. It is a house she inherited from her parents and she has lived there all her life. I remember from our conversation how pleased and proud she was when I told her garden was on my “tour” of must see attractions when I was on the island.

Today I walked by and she was in the yard working in the garden. I stopped and said hello, and reminded her we had met before, but it was clear she didn't remember me. I again told her how much I enjoyed her garden and that I made it a point to see it every summer. She was even more pleased to hear it this time.

There are two possible morals to this story. One, if it's kind once, it's even kinder a second time. Or two, I'm just not that memorable.