Memorial Day

Writing about any “act of kindness” that did not include an observance of Memorial Day would feel trivial today. We decided to go as a family to attend a service this morning. Since we had not actually done this before, we searched the newspaper for something that was local and we found one less than a mile from our house. It was being held at a monument that we had passed hundreds of times, but never stopped to look at.

The memorial honored two soldiers from our town who had died in the second world war. Their bodies were never recovered. The service poignant and was it difficult to hear that this country is losing almost 1200 World War II veterans a day. My dad is a veteran of that war.

It took the commitment to this project for us to discover a monument we pass almost daily. And while our family will continue to associate Memorial Day with the start of summer and burgers on the grill, our experience today will insure that we also keep in mind those who died for this country as well as their families who miss them.

Quest to be Kind

Great family day and my parents' house, brothers, sister in laws, sister out laws, nieces and nephews. Lots of questions about why I am doing this project. Why be kind to strangers? Aren't you already kind to your friends and family? What is the point? And the most common question was, what have you done kind today?

As the afternoon went on, the pressure mounted. What could I do that was kind? When would I do it? As the afternoon turned to early evening, no obvious kind deed was in sight. We packed up the car to go home, along with my niece and her husband. I asked my sons what they thought we should do. My younger son said without hesitation that we should stop and buy ice cream for someone on the way home. I wondered out loud if he thought I should get him some ice cream while I was at it, and he thought that was a brilliant idea. I agreed to this plan, with not a small bit of suspicion that I was being used for my acts of kindness.

When we arrived at the ice cream stand, we all stood in line speculating how to carry out the plan. As we reached the counter I conferred with my son. Wouldn't it be kind to get ice cream for his cousin and her husband (who from here on out will also be referred to as his cousin). He agreed and ice cream for all it was.

Cup Commitment

I bought a reusable cup for iced coffee today. This really doesn't seem like an overly kind act. But now that warm weather is here, I have become a seasonal ice coffee addict and get at least one almost every day. The trash is adding up. That definitely not kind for the environment. I have had my eye on reusable cup, one that is just the right size and fits into my car cup holder. But I hadn't bought it yet as I tend to be forgetful, and imagined that every time I needed it, either it would not be in my car, or there would be sticky layer of day old coffee dredges at the bottom.

My hopes and intentions are that, by making public my intention to wash and return it to my car every day I actually will.

Chicken Thighs and Kindness

My friend shared with me a “kindness of strangers” story that happened earlier this week. She said that she was sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store crying. It had been a difficult day, and sometimes that's what you need to do. Eventually she stopped, pulled herself together and went in to do her shopping. While she was in the store a woman approached her. Now, this particular friend is a stickler for details, so it is important to include that she was looking at 99 cent chicken thighs when this happened. The woman asked my friend, with some difficulty as English wasn't her first language, if she was OK. Apparently she had noticed her crying in the car and wanted to say something then. But the her husband discouraged her from doing so, fearing it would seem intrusive. My friend assured her she was fine, the woman patted her shoulder, and they both continued their shopping. I apologize for not knowing if she did indeed purchase the chicken thighs.

Since my act of kindness yesterday was flowers for a stranger, today I gave flowers to co-workers, people I actually know.

Flowers for a Stranger.

I bought some flowers this morning, not sure to whom I was going to give them. The cashier commented about how pretty they were. And I said "Do you really think so?" And she said "yes" so sincerely, that I said "Oh, well then they are for you."

Hope and Kindness

I recently read an amazing essay about hope. I'm not even going to attempt to paraphrase for fear of minimizing the message it was meant to convey. I will just leave it that I felt hopeful after I read it. There was one part where the writer told about being in an airport and being approached by a woman asking for money because she claimed that she accidentally flushed her wallet down the toilet. While it seemed exceedingly clear that the woman was lying, the writer eventually relented and gave her money anyway. She didn't have a revelation about why she ultimately decided to, just that the feelings in such a situation are complex.

It made me think about the times since I have started this project that I have walked past people holding signs such as “Out of work, need money” and have chosen not to give anything. I've made different decisions than the writer of the essay did in a similar situation, but the feelings of conflict are similar.

So I'm not sure where I'm going with this, other than that being kind and hopeful can be more complex than one initially realizes. Today, in the spirit of hope in a dire situation, we are sending a check to the Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation.

Don't Forget

Remember that Thursday the 27th is Give Flowers to a Stranger Day. If you don't know what this is, refer to April's entry Monthly Feature and May's entry "Plan to be Spontaneous."

Pay It Forward. Not

Pretty grumpy leaving work today. What type of act of kindness could change that? Ice cream. It's a happy food. And today was close to 90 degrees, so it was a perfect ice cream day. I stopped at the local shop, bought a gift certificate, and left it there with a note. I asked that it be given it to the next person who came in that looked like they could use a pick me up.

This was a slight departure from my usual routine, as I prefer to disappear before anyone can comment or ask about what I'm doing. I'm not sure know why. I think partly because because it is awkward, and partly because anonymity is more fun. But today I chatted a bit with the proprietor. I explained to her that I was trying to be a little more kind. She commented how nice that was and then said “So you're paying it forward.”

For the record, I do not like when people refer to what I'm doing as “pay it forward.” Spoiler alert, if you haven't seen the movie “Pay it Forward” and plan to at some point in your life, stop reading now. I hated that movie. It came out in 2000 and was billed as the “feel good movie of the year.” And it was, right until the end. When the kid dies. Are you serious? What kind of feel good movie is that? 10 years later I still feel like I was sucker punched.

You can probably deduce by the fact that I am doing this kindness thing that I am all about the feel good moment. I like movies with happy endings, I like books with happy endings. I do not like being surprised by the death of the main character. Who is a child. So call it random acts of kindness. Call it being nice. Call it me having too much time on my hands. But DO NOT say I'm paying it forward.

Noticing Need

One fun thing about doing this project is hearing other people's stories about how strangers have been kind to them. Or vice versa. I have one friend who can talk about at least half a dozen times he has changed tires, given rides to stranded passengers, and shoveled cars out of the snow. He has a great story about shoveling the driveway of a senior gentleman he came across whose car was stuck, and how it turns out this man works in the local store where he buys his groceries. Now, every time my friend goes shopping, he now receives a hearty welcome.

Is it just coincidence that this particular friend has happened upon so many strangers in need, while some can tell of only a few in our lifetime? Or is it more that some us look the other way, don’t notice, or are in too much of a hurry?

Today I was next in line at the pharmacy and the woman behind me was comforting her pretty ill looking daughter. The little girl, who was probably around four, apparently had scarlet fever, something I didn't know existed any more. The mom was reassuring her that that they would be home before long, just as soon as they got the medicine. I stepped aside and told them to go ahead of me.

I wasn't in a hurry, I didn't look the other way, and it was easier than shoveling out a car.

Kind of Awkward

Don't forget that this Thursday the 27th is “Give Flowers to a Stranger Day.” (for more information about the history of this holiday, see blog entry in April titled Monthly Feature and last weeks entry Plan to Be Spontaneous.) Some folks have asked questions about this such as “Can I give flowers to my neighbor instead?” and “Isn't it awkward giving flowers to a stranger?” or “Might my intent be misconstrued?” Off the top of my head I would say, sure why not give them to your neighbor. And yes, it can be awkward, but the hope is that the good feeling it brings outweighs the minor discomfort. Misconstrued? Possibly, but I assume with some planning this risk could be minimized.

But the truth is that I just made this holiday up. Last week. So I actually don't know all the details. Please let me know some of the answers on Thursday in the comment section. Together we can work out the bugs and make this a world holiday.

I made cookies today for my son's soccer team. On the way to the game, we stopped at two of our neighbors and gave them each a plateful with a note that said Happy Spring Almost Summer. Now I imagine there are people out there who do make cookies for their neighbors on a regular basis, but I'm not one of them. This was a first for me. I made the kids go to the door with me to deliver them, and we all agreed it felt uncomfortable walking up to the door before the drop off and great walking away after. Hopefully, our neighbors felt better eating the cookies than we did delivering them.

Following Through

People's reaction to this blog have been interesting. Some expressed surprise, with a variation of “You? But you really aren't that kind.” Others have said it is inspiring. And there are those who indicate that it somehow makes them feel as if they are less kind than I am.

For the record, I believe I am no more or no less kind than the average person. I'm certain that most people are well intended when it comes to being kind. The challenge is the follow through. Many of the things I have done so far probably would not have gotten past the “Maybe I should....” stage were it not for the semi-public commitment I have made to do something every day and document it. I think that this is true for most people. We are kind-hearted but willing to allow things to get in the way of our follow through. Some of things I have written about people do every day, but don't choose to make it public. One might argue that is even kinder.

I struggle with finding something original to do each day, and then need to remind myself that originality has nothing to do with why I started this project. That being said, a food donation for the local food pantry on my way out of the grocery store was my act of kindness today. Maybe not original, but I thought it and I followed through.

Blood, Sweat and Kindness

My brother gave blood today for the first time ever. Even kinder than that, he told me I could take credit for it and count it as my act of kindness, as he was inspired to give because of this project. If one is looking for a way to be kind to a stranger, I think there is not much better you can do than giving blood. As the day went on and no random act presented itself to me, I thought about taking him up on the offer. But it's a slippery slope. I've already taken credit for some of my husbands actions; if I extend it to other family and friends, who knows where it may lead. I may never be kind again.

I considered claiming that I met my kindness quota for the day by NOT losing my cool in the car. While driving my 10 year old son and his friend to yet another birthday party I got quite lost. It became apparent that we were going to be late. The boys in the back tried to help with comments like “My dad never gets lost” and “Why didn't you turn where I told you to?” As I was sweating profusely wondering if we would miss the party all together, it took a fair amount of self control to remember my commitment to kindness. But I did, and we were only 20 minutes late, and an good time was had by all.

Having considered both of these as fodder for the blog, I decided that I would opt not to settle for a rationalization today. I stopped for a coffee later in the afternoon and I gave money to pay for the next persons coffee who came in after I left. It may not be original, as I've written about it once before, but it was a random act of kindness all my own.

Plan to Be Spontaneous

Another day passes without an opportunity presenting itself to commit a “random” act of kindness. Instead it was a “planned” act of kindness. I came into work an hour early to relieve a co-worker of phone duty. I must admit it feels a little weird doing something nice, and then writing about it as if for credit. Does that take away from the act itself? Perhaps, but she still got to leave an hour early, so I imagine it felt kind to her.

Since I am yearning to do something kind for a stranger to make this blog true to it's name, next week I am planning for a random act of kindness. I am aware this may be viewed as an oxymoron. But 365 days of random acts is way more creative and spontaneous than I ever imagined it would be. So a little planning is needed.

Last month on the 27th, I bought flowers and gave them to a stranger. It was so much fun that I decided to do it on the 27th of every month for the length of this project. I'm going so far as to declare it “Give a Stranger Flowers Day.” And since it has been declared a “day” anyone reading this is invited to participate. Mark in on your calendar and make your plan to be random.

Graduating Levels of Kindness

My niece shared with me about a time that she was on the train returning to college when she realized that she had lost her ticket and didn’t have any money. When the conductor came around she told him about her situation and asked if there was an ATM at the next stop. He said the next station was in the middle of nowhere and that’s where she would be getting off if she couldn’t pay. The woman behind her overheard heard the conversation and bought her a ticket. When they arrived at their destination, my niece offered to pay her back with money from the ATM. The woman refused, and told her she could return the favor by helping someone else when there was a need.

This is exactly the kind of thing I imagined I would be writing about each and every day when I committed to this project. I thought I would be that lady on train, and write fascinating things daily. As it turns on, it really isn’t that easy to commit a random act of kindness every day. The opportunity just doesn’t present itself as often as I thought it would. So, it may not be fascinating, but I bought graduation cards today.

I have about half a dozen friends and family members who are graduating from various schools and programs this month. I always mean to send cards for these occasions, but sometimes don’t follow through. Part of the problem is that I want to find the perfect card. Some people (and you know who you are) have a talent for picking out just the right meaningful, or funny, or beautiful card, to match the occasion. At times, because of my search for this elusive card, I end up sending nothing at all. So today I bought them all, and will have them filled out and mailed by tomorrow. Kindness trumps perfection every time.

Teacher Appreciation

My husband is a teacher in the same district where my sons go to school. He teaches 8th grade and my son is in 4th. Apparently some time last week was teacher appreciation day, and today through inter office mail he received a lovely homemade card proclaiming him our son's favorite teacher. At the end of the day he picked the boys up, beaming with pride, I imagine. But before this could proceed much further into a Hallmark moment, my son made sure to declare that actually, Mrs. L, his pre-school teacher from five years ago was his all time favorite. But since he didn't know how to find her, he sent the card to his dad instead.

Now the reality is, Mrs. L is an outstanding choice for favorite teacher ever. She was the perfect blend of warmth and fun combined with high expectations for good behavior. Unfortunately the school where she taught has since closed, so we weren't sure how to find her. As luck would have it, we are practicing kindness in the age of the internet. It took my son and me less then 5 minutes to find out where Mrs. L is now teaching. Together we wrote her an email explaining her favorite teacher status, and we quickly received a reply saying she remembered my son well. She did stop short of saying he was her favorite student ever... but not by much. When I saw the smile on his face as he read her response, I knew that for today, we received much more from our act of kindness than we gave.

Cell Phones, Smart Phones, Video Games, Oh My!

The new world of electronics, cell phones, smart phones, brings new rules about what is polite. Is it OK to answer your cell phone if you are talking to someone else at the time? Is texting while talking to another person acceptable ? (Full disclosure here, I actually don't know how to text.) Too much access all the time can blur the etiquette boundary. Today I was told by a friend and co-worker that she noticed I was being "unkind" during a meeting when I checked my email. She was right and I promised not to do it again. I briefly considered counting that as my act of kindness for the day, but decided against it, as it seems more like a commitment not to be rude than a fulfilling a commitment to be kind.

So I felt fortunate when another opportunity arose. I was in a video gaming store on a quest for my son. There are few places on earth where I feel more out of place than this. It's a whole world about which I know very little. The sales clerk could not have been any nicer or more helpful. Most importantly, he managed not to make me feel stupid. So when he handed me the receipt and noted that I could go on line to fill out a survey, which included questions about his job performance, I said absolutely I would. And I did.

Bake Sale

Outside of the grocery store today was a good old fashioned bake sale being held to benefit the local elementary school. I could not help but think of of the poster from about 20 years ago (or more, I may be dating myself) that said something like “it would be a great day when schools had all the money they needed, and the generals had to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.”

The world sure feels like a different place now, but clearly the need for schools to have bake sales still exists. I was not in need of any baked goods today, but I gave some money for the cause.

The Seeds of Kindess

My family all went to volunteer at the “Big Plant” today, a community garden that is growing vegetables for the local food bank. It was one of the goals I set when I started on this year long blog project, that my family would do more community service work. So it is fun to begin to have that goal realized. We did some digging, we did some planting, met some nice people, and ate hot dogs and hamburgers as a bonus. In case the image is forming of a picture perfect family digging and smiling, let me add that there was a fair amount of sword fighting (with the sticks meant to hold up tomato plants) along with at least one curt “put it down,” several comments along the line of “I'm bored” and one “When can we go home?”

My husband and sons worked for about an hour, and some lunch and called it a day. We figured it was better to have the boys work less and leave feeling it was a positive experience. I'm sure we will have them weeding for hours on end by the end of the summer. I stayed for a few hours more, balancing those days when my “act of kindness” took a mere fleeting moment. Today I can say that we planted seeds for our community and hopefully one in our sons sons as well.

Get In Line for Kindness

I was in line at store, during the time in between work, and having pick up my son at a birthday party. I was a tad anxious because I had never been to the bowling alley where the party was and I didn’t want to get lost and be late, Naturally my stress caused the line to be extra long. Two registers to my right I noticed a much shorter line. I looked at the woman ahead of me. She hadn’t seen it. What luck! I moved to the right, and was shortly taken over by guilt when I noticed her looking my way. I waved and invited her to move ahead of me.

Now, I'm pretty sure that this was not an act of kindness. But I acted more kindly because of this daily documentation.

GOALLLLL For Kindness

Youth sports. Not usually the place where kindness abounds. I was watching my son's soccer practice tonight. It was at a large community complex with several practices and games going on at once. Along with this came several coaches yelling and lots of parents "assisting" their kids loudly from the sidelines.

Recently my son broke his toe and had to sit out a few weeks. He commented about how much easier the game looked sitting on the sidelines than when he was on the field. Every time I heard a parent shouting at their kid, I wanted to figure out a way to remind them of this fact.

His coach tonight was just great. He took time to explain things clearly, and was as patient as a person could be with a bunch of 10 year old boys who liked tackling and wrestling just as much as they like playing soccer. And while I could not figure out a way to kindly tell some of the parents to stop yelling at their kids about something that was supposed to be fun, it was easy enough to make sure I thanked the coach for his time, effort and patience.

Responsible Dog Owner: Take 2

My son and I, and a 35 pound bag of dog food, went off to the local animal pound this afternoon. I have to admit I was a bit nervous. The last time I saw the animal control officer was about 3 years, when I had to spring my dog from lock up and pay a fine... for the second time in two weeks. That was following the incident a week prior when I came home to find the paddy wagon parked in my driveway with the same dog and his brother locked in the back, wagging their tails without a care in the world. I paid a fine then too.

I was concerned that the officer might misinterpret our act of kindness as an attempt to atone for our past sins as irresponsible dog owners. And perhaps, in part, it was. My worries were not founded however, as she didn't remember me at all. We gave her the food and thanked her for her efforts on behalf of the town's animals. Driving away I felt the weight “careless dog owner” lift and be replaced by the knowledge that just maybe, I had helped someone else's dog's stay in the big house a little more comfortable.

Canine Kindness

This afternoon my younger son and I began researching an act of kindness for him to get involoved in. Animals are his thing, so that was the place to start. At my suggestion, he looked on line to figure out what we could do to help the local animal pound in our town. This seems like a good idea since a few years ago our dog spent a night or two in the "big house" before we figured on how to prevent him from escaping out of our yard. He was provided with a square meal and a clean cage, and each time the animal control officer was pleasant and helpful as she admonished us and collected the fine. And according to my son's research, contributions of dog food are always welcome, so that is what we will do.

Dishing About Kindness

I washed a sink full of dirty dishes at work today. I'm not sure to whom they belonged, but none were mine. I NEVER leave dirty dishes in the sink at the office. It's not that I am extraordinarily neat person who is above letting dirty dishes hang out in the sink for a while; I leave plenty in my kitchen at home. But at work, I am terrified of leaving even a fork, for fear of getting caught. I just won't risk it. It's a delicate balance between the folks who like to let their dishes soak and those who like a clean sink. There are merits to both sides. But for today, an act of kindness brings peace to the kitchen. Just don't tell my husband, he'll expect the same from me at home.

The Roots of Kindness

My husband did something kind today and I am SO taking credit for it here. Last night he spent about two hours in an electronics store trying to get a problem resolved with our cell phone. Apparently the salesman was very helpful, answering each and every one of his questions, including, how do I turn the phone on. And I'm not mocking him about this because it took me over half hour to figure out how to turn on the very same phone. When he got home he said that he was so appreciative that that he was going to write a letter to the store manager.

Now, before this blog project started, I'm fairly certain that this would not of occured to him. Or maybe it would have been a fleeting thought. But this morning, he sat down and wrote the letter and it was mailed by this afternoon. It does appear that the the concept of linking a kind thought to a kind deed is catching on and starting to grow some roots in this household.

Kind of Creepy

I bought baseball cards for my son today, and got an extra pack to give to someone else, I wasn't sure whom. Walking along the sidewalk, I looked at kids with families, and tried to decide. No girls. I believe this was probably sexist on my part, but I just imagine that boys like baseball cards better. No families with more than one kid because I only had one pack to give away and it would definitely fall into the unkind category to give something to just one person and not his sibling. I was hoping to find a boy around my son's age.

I spotted just the right family. A young boy around 10 with people who seemed to be his parents and maybe an older aunt or cousin. Or maybe no relation whatsoever, although I did build a whole family scenario in my head. The father (at least I think he was the father) held the door for me as we were all walking into the same store. I asked the boy if he liked baseball and he responded with an enthusiastic yes. I found the perfect person! I reached in my pocket and handed him the pack. He said thank you impressively just a split second before his parents prompted him.

I walked away feeling...weird. I think something about being a stranger approaching a child with gift, even if he was surrounded by family in a public place, seems, well, creepy. It may be a sign of the times, or maybe I'm over thinking this. Or maybe it really is. So unless I can figure out how it's clearly kind and won't scare someone, random gifts to children are off the list.

The A Team Rules!

Today I exchanged emails and phone calls with the coordinator of the "Big Plant," a community garden project that I, along with my husband and sons, am planning on helping out at next weekend, I learned about it through the online environmental news site that I found about when doing a kind act about a week ago. So, if all goes as planned, one kind act will lead to another. And one goal of this blog commitment, that my family becomes more involved generally in being kind. will begin to take form. As Hannibal Smith used to say " I love it when a plan comes together."

Thank You Beagle Lady

Yesterday I wrote about the act of kindness I witnessed at the vet's office. Today I continued to think about it. I found myself wishing I had said something to the woman who hugged a stranger without a second of hesitation. And then I realized that it wasn't too late.

On the way home from work I stopped by the vet's office with a card thanking her for being a role model for those of us who aspire to be kind, but sometimes are paralyzed by trying to figure out the "right thing" to do. I described the woman, her beagle and what time she had been in, and the receptionist agreed to send it along to her. I may not be able to hug on cue, but a simple thank you I can do.

The Right Thing Without A Thought

I took my dog Misty to the vet today for her yearly check up and shots. While we were waiting I exchanged waves with little boy about two who was there with his mother, his grandmother and his dog whom the mom said had a "boo-boo." He couldn't talk much, but pointed to his dog and said "doggie" and pointed to my dog and said "more doggie."

When Misty and I came out of the exam room the boy’s mom was walking out of another room, but she was alone, and sobbing very loudly. At a vet’s office, there is only one reason someone would be crying with such profound grief. She scooped up her son off the bench and ran outside. There were three other people in the waiting room besides me and the staff. I thought to myself that I should do something, say something. My dog was tugging hard on her leash, anxious to be done with her ordeal at the vet. As my mind was racing and the room was in an awkward silence, one of the waiting customers, a woman with her beagle in tow, walked past the rest of us, went outside and embraced the sobbing woman.

I can write every day about my acts of kindness, and when the year is up, I can almost guarantee I won’t be able to do what she did. I’m not sure why, but hugging a total stranger is so outside my comfort zone that I don’t think I can stretch that far. But today I was grateful that while I was thinking hard about the right thing to do, someone was able to do it without thinking at all.

Nothing Kind

Very cool act of kindness today. I bought nothing. Well, a can of it anyway. The local community food bank is selling empty cans of nothing for 2.99 in grocery stores and coffee shops. The idea is that thousands of people will eat nothing today, but buying a can will replace nothing with 10 pounds of food. The can has a slit in the top so it can be a coin bank, collecting change to donate to the food bank.

It was fun to meet my kindness quota by doing nothing. It is a neat marketing campaign and I hope it catches on.

Attitude Counts

The phone rang while I was making dinner tonight. I only answered it because I thought it was my husband calling. Nope, it was a someone calling with a survey about state seat belt laws and my personal seat belt use. I brusquely asked, "how long is this going to take?" He said three minutes, which sounded like two minutes too long to me, but I remembered my vow of once a day kindness and said "sure." He was true to his word, and it did take about three minutes. Although it was clear that, in response to my original tone, he was talking as fast as he could. I had some regret about not being kinder from the onset. Perhaps my next goal might be a kind act accompanied by a kind attitude.

Originality Takes Its Toll

Wedding was wonderful. On the road back home, in the car again for most of the day. If it was kind once, twice should qualify as well. We paid the toll for the car behind us.

Double Duty

Wedding day. All kinds of acts of kindess going on. My husband got up early to go find shoe polish for the ring bearer's dress shoe. He,the ringbearer, severely scuffed the shoe after only about 2 hours of wearing them last night. This mother of the ringbearer, who spent many many many hours finding just the right ringbearer shoes, was barely this side of hysteria since those shoes had yet to walk down the aisle bearing a ring.

By the time I woke up this morning, the polish had been purchased and the shoe repaired. My husband reported, that he had done an act of kindess for me today so it could be duly noted in the blog. This this gesture absolutey qualified and I was quite grateful. However, this was not the act he was referring to. Apparently the person who helped him locate the polish was so helpful, my husband made sure to find the store manager to let him know. Absolutely double duty on the kindness today.