Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow

Day 239

I sent a card to my hairdresser today thanking her for her kindness. She has been cutting my hair for over 15 years now, so she was just the person to break some bad news to me last week. When she was mid cut she noticed a significant round bald spot on the back of my head. Covered (thankfully) by my hair, it had gone unnoticed by me and anyone around me. I speculated that perhaps it had rubbed off when I had gone running with a hat on, but she said gently, but firmly that it did not look that way to her and that I should have it checked out by a doctor.

I usually don't share too much personal information here, mindful of my family's privacy. But this is something I have been struggling with this week, and it seemed that it might help to put in perspective if I said it out loud. I did go to the doctor today and was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata, a condition that causes areas of hair to fall out. It might grow back. It might not. I might get more bald spots. I might not.

Of course I have some mixed feelings. On one end of the spectrum is fear of what the future holds for my hair, and all the thoughts and associations that go along with the possible scenarios. On the other end, the realization that of all the health issues people deal with in life, this one has very little, if any effect on mine or my family's well being. In my “year of living kindly” (and thank you to my sister-in-law M for that line) my priorities are shifting a small bit. I'm learning that life is too short not to be kind, and is certainly to way too short to spend worrying too much about appearances. And while this doesn't mean I won't experience anxiety and stress if more hair does fall out, for today I am choosing to focus on the present.

And that means in part, reminding myself of those things for which I am grateful. This includes the support I have received from the small number of people with whom I have shared this “secret.” And especially for my hairdresser who delivered some tough news in the gentlest of ways, and allowed me to walk out of the salon with important information that I needed, and a fabulous haircut to boot.