Can You Hear Me Now?

Day 276

I went for a run today. Well, more of a walk, with a few running steps thrown in here and there. It was a beautiful day, nearly 50 degrees, and nothing but sunshine. I passed one house where a man was in his yard, looking at I'm not exactly sure what, but it seemed like a snow pile to me. He was quite engrossed in whatever it was, so he didn't notice me until I was right next to him.

I turned off my ipod and took the ear buds out to say hello, stopping briefly to chat about what an amazingly perfect day it was. The man was quite friendly, and agreed wholeheartedly about the nature of the day. I said “Happy New Year” and was on my way.

So where is the act of kindness in the rather mundane exchange? Surely I'm not resorting to counting a cheerful hello as fulfilling my daily commitment to kindness. No, my deed for the day was taking out my ear phones to talk. In this age of cell phones, ipods, blue-tooth ear pieces and whatever else, it is often hard to know when or if someone is giving you their full attention. I was mindful of this, and wanted to make sure the man wasn't wondering if I was listening to music while we were talking.

Sometimes I miss the way it was “back in the day” before everyone had a gadget as an additional appendage, and you didn't have to wonder or ask “Can you hear me now?”

Share The Joy By Keeping Warm

Day 275

We won!! Actually, I didn't win anything. But my niece did. She wrote an essay for a contest with Land's End called “Share The Joy.” The question asked was “How would you bring joy to someone's life with $50?” The prize, of course, was $50. And she answered, rather eloquently I assume since she was among the winners, that she would give it to her aunt who writes a blog about kindness. I knew nothing about this until she called last night to tell me that she had entered and won. To say I was honored would be an understatement.

She and I talked about who we should give the money to, and the possibilities truly seemed endless. Who among us couldn't use $50, really. Well, maybe Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerman but beyond that, who? We decided, perhaps influenced by the cold temperatures, the foot of snow on the ground, and the suggestion from her dad (my brother), to donate it to a local agency that provides heating assistance for folks with low income.

I am proud of my niece, and it's great to know that a family will stay warm because of her effort to share the joy.

Confirmation of Kindness

Day 274

On my way to the grocery store this morning I stopped at the doughnut shop and bought a gift card. When I got to there, I placed the card on the pile of bananas with a note that said “Happy holidays, enjoy a coffee and a doughnut on me.” My plan was to watch to see who picked it up. But I became so engrossed in my shopping that I forgot to keep my eye on the bananas and when I remembered to check, it was gone.

As I was putting my bags in the car I noticed a note on my windshield. I thought to myself, the gig is up, someone must have figured out what I was doing. But alas, it was from a woman who had said she had scraped my fender. She left her phone number and asked that I call her. Which was quite nice of her, especially since I could not even find a mark on my car. I called and left her a message and said not to worry about it, the car had much worse scrapes and dings on it, and one more microscopic one wasn't going to make a difference. I told her her how much I appreciated her leaving the note.

It is my belief that, in general, most people are kind and well intended, and will do the right thing. I was happy today to have this confirmed.

Neither Rain Nor Sleet Or Snow Will Stop Kindness

Day 173

The sink was full of dirty dishes at work today and who better to wash them than me. But when I started to clean I realized there was no soap which explained the accumulating pile. So who better to duck out and buy some more soap than me. A quick act of kindness, I thought.

However, it turned into to be a bit more than I bargained for as I climbed over snow banks, navigated sidewalks covered with almost foot of snow, and was nearly hit by several cars as I walked in the street, all in the name of clean dishes.

I returned triumphantly to the office with my prized bottle of dish-washing liquid and finished the job. Kindness, not just a blog, but an adventure.

GFTAS Day Goes To The Movies

Day 172

Despite blizzard conditions, Give Flowers to A Stranger Day was celebrated today. Actually the blizzard had passed by morning so getting out of the house was not a problem. It was so not a problem that my husband and I actually went out to a movie when my niece and nephew so kindly offered to stay home with the boys. When we bought the tickets to the show I handed the young woman at the booth a bouquet of flowers and informed her that it was GFTASD. “Really?” she asked. “Sure is,” I answered as we were walking away. Her smile indicated that it was, indeed, another successful holiday.

A Blizzard of Chances To Be Kind

Day 271

I went to the grocery store this morning first thing to get some things for dinner. The forecast was for a blizzard this afternoon so the store was unusually busy with people stocking up. Except for the woman behind me in line. She just had one item so I offered to let her go ahead of me. She declined at first, but I insisted, saying that it didn't seem fair that she should wait behind the rest of us who obviously hadn't planned ahead. She thanked me, and as she left she thanked me again.

One of the things that has been great about doing this project is that it has made me so much more aware of the opportunities around me to be kind. I'm not altogether sure that I would have offered my spot to her in line a year ago. It's not that I was any less kind then, just more oblivious to the chances out there.

***********

Tomorrow is the 27th which is, of course “Give Flowers to a Stranger Day.
New to this blog? Have NO idea what GFTASD is? It happens the 27th of every month. Read this previous entry for a history of this day.

But there is a good chance I may have to postpone my celebration this month. There seems to be a blizzard going on which may prevent me from finding flowers or a stranger tomorrow.

Christmas Kindness

Day 270

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate this holiday. My husband was the king of kindness today as he left our warm cozy house this morning before breakfast to deliver 100 packets of peanut brittle (my specialty of the season) to the soup kitchen for their Christmas dinner guests. When we called yesterday to find out how many people they were expecting and heard “between 350 and 400” were shocked and saddened. We had absolutely no idea that so they served so many people on this day.

So we amped up the brittle production, me cooking and my husband packaging, and pondered if it was the right thing to do, delivering enough for only about a quarter of the guests. In the end, we decided we could only do our best, and next year we would have a better plan.

I hope that the guests who received our small gift enjoyed it and wish for them more cheer and promise in the year ahead.

Competing For Kindness on Christmas Eve

Day 269

We spent two hours today ringing at the Salvation Army Kettle Bell station. There were many folks out doing their last minute grocery shopping and they seemed to have the holiday spirit, as we collected over 300 dollars in the time that we were there.

It often seems with two boys so close in age (12 and almost 11) that everything is a competition. So why should collecting money for charity be any different. Well, actually I can think of quite a few reasons why it SHOULD be different, but in fact, it was not. My husband and younger son took the first hour shift and when we showed up to relieve them, they proudly announced they had collected $200 and three hugs (two for my son and one for my husband).

When my older son and I took over we began trying to keep track of the money as well, my son axiously glancing at the clock to see if we were keeping pace with his brother. Alas, we were not. In our hour we collected around $100 and absolutely no hugs. But I was proud that, by the end of the time, my son had stopped focusing on “winning” and was taking notice of the spirit and generousity of the people who took time to put money in the kettle and stopped to chat with us.

I'm sure there is a place somewhere that competing for kindness is a good thing. But I am grateful that we had a break, however small, in the competion.

A Parking Spot For Kindness

Day 268

Traffic was just crazy today. Parking lots were jammed as everyone seemed to be doing their last minute stuff, whatever it is people do two days before Christmas. I made the mistake of thinking I could run into the grocery store near my office to pick up some bagels on my way home. I'm not sure what I was thinking; there wasn't a parking space in sight. I was circling around and contemplating giving up when I spotted a space. I put my blinker on and was just about there when I noticed woman in a car coming the other direction doing the same thing. I could have had her beat by a second or even two. But I smiled and waved her into the spot.

I found a space on the next circle round, got my bagels, and left feeling a little more in touch with the holiday spirit.

Along For The Ride

Day 267

Today's act of kindness I can barely claim any part in. I went with my friend to pick up a load of winter vegetables from a local farmer. We were delivering them to the soup kitchen for the Christmas dinner there. I mentioned this friend in my blog on July 9th, Tom and Huck.

A few years back my husband and I started a project collecting extra vegetables from backyard gardens to donate to the soup kitchen. Last year my friend joined us with her family and now actually does the bulk of the work. She has forged a fabulous partnership with the farmer in her neighborhood; he donates the vegetables and she picks them up and delivers them to the soup kitchen. I'm back up, but it's pretty much her gig.

Today she had a large load of turnips and butternut squash to deliver, so I went along to “help.” The truth of matter is I loaded one box in the car (the farmer loaded the rest) and I carried one box (although it was quite heavy) into the church that houses the soup kitchen. Mostly I went along for the ride to catch up and chat.

While it is true that this veggie collaborative was started by my husband and me, the torch really has been passed and it my friend's project now, with a few improvements and greater success, I might add. So for today, I will just say I was riding shotgun to kindness.

Kindness in Training

Day 266

We had the kids compose cards for their teachers today, wishing them well for the holiday season and thanking them for what they do. Because each of the boys is taught by a “team” there were a total of eight cards to be written and delivered. In years previous my husband and I wrote them all. This year we had the each of the boys pick one teacher they wrote a card for, while we did the rest.

Hopefully, eventually they will write them all. Maybe even willingly.

Kindness + Quarters= Clean Clothes. Not

Day 265


265 down, 100 to go. I thought about trying to do something exciting or at least interesting to mark this milestone in my year of living kindly. Nothing came to mind. So I have learned in the absence of an original idea, borrow one from someone else.

I have actually seen this idea in a few different places, on some websites, in a book on kindness and even on a daily calendar of kindness. Put quarters in the machine at a laundromat for someone to find. Hmm, there is even a laundromat one block from my office; this must be meant to be, I thought. I made sure to bring two dollars worth of quarters with me when I left the house this morning. Not having been in a laundromat for a while, I wasn't exactly sure how much it would cost.

It was crazy busy at work today, with a deadline hanging over my head. So after lunch I snuck out the back door, thinking I could probably complete this mission in five minutes or less and be back to finish what I needed to in the office. I practically sprinted the one block to the laundromat, then walked in casually, planning to act if I was checking my load.

The first thing I noticed was no coin slots on the machines. OK, so I guess it has been a REALLY long while since I've been in a laundromat. No worries, on the far wall from the door I spotted a machine to purchase money cards to be used in the washers and dryers. Great, I could just do that and leave the card on one of the machines with a note. Except there was a sign that said each card required a $20 deposit. And besides that it didn't take change. This was getting far more complicated than I was prepared for.

With the deadline at work weighing on my mind, my ability to think quickly and kindly diminished. I placed the eight quarters that I had dug out of our change bin this morning on a washing machine. Someone would find them and be happy. Not the presentation I was planning on. But two dollars is two dollars. It's a cup of coffee, or a pack of gum. Or a load of laundry if you can figure out how to put it onto the card.

The milestone celebration of 100 days left to the year of living kindly was more of a fizzle than a bang. Kind of disappointing, but kind none the less.

Kind of Cynical

Day 264

There is a house the next town over from us that decorates for Christmas with a light show set to music broadcast based from their home. I have no idea how it works, I just know that if you tune the radio to the number posted on the sign on the front lawn, there is music matching the movement of the lights from the house. And in one window there is Santa, packing toys, eating cookies and waving to the folks outside. I think it was a video projection but it looks very, very real. Or may it WAS him.

Tonight we took a ride by with the kids and parked outside for about 15 minutes. Normally I am the type of person who would be rather cynical and judgemental about this type of decorating, deeming it overkill and tacky. But I must admit, seeing my 12 and almost 11 year old totally mesmerized changed my attitude. It was the highlight of the weekend.

Before we left we put a note in the mailbox thanking the homeowners for the joy they were bringing the neighborhood. We attached it to a small container of home made peanut brittle, our tradition of the season. Ti's the season to let go of cynicism, and be kind.

Kind In My Mind

Day 263

I put money in the Salvation Army Kettle today as I was leaving the grocery store. I have made a commitment to give a dollar every time I pass one (Bells Will Be Ringing). And it really does appear to be true what I speculated when I wrote last month, that I don't pass that many kettles during the season. Other years I remember giving a few times and then, as it got closer to Christmas, I would walk by the person ringing and look straight ahead, justifying in my head that I couldn't possibly give EVERY time I saw someone collecting.

But this season it seems true that the giving was exaggerated my mind, since I have given each and every time I have passed someone and so far I am up to around 7 or 8 bucks, with Christmas only a week away. A friend of mine emailed to say that she too decided to give each time she passed and was surprised to realize how little it totaled. Perhaps she and I just aren't out and about shopping as much as other folks. Or maybe there are fewer Salvation Army Kettle ringers around these days.

Or maybe it is more common that many of us would like to think, that sometimes it takes some real effort to put those kind thoughts into action.

Counting My Change to Kindness

Day 262

I got my act of kindness out of the way first thing this morning when I was in the donut shop. Not that I wasn't kind the rest of the day, but it is always nice to know I have something to write about early on.

I stopped to buy the boys donuts on the way to school, my incentive/bribe for them getting out of the house and into the car on time with a minimum of bickering. While I was standing in line the woman next to me accidentally dropped a handful of change on the floor. I immediately got right down there with her to help pick it up.

So, someone reading this might think, big deal of course you would, who wouldn't? The answer to that is everyone else in line near us, who just continued to stare straight ahead. Once again I am reminded that one person's act of kindness can often be considered just “doing the right thing.”

The Flying Pig of Kindness

Day 261

My son had a doctor's appointment today and we brought an ornament for the office manager. Not just any ornament, but a flying pig. We have bonded over the fact that she has pigs, flying and flightless, decorating her office and we happen to have flying pigs on our checks.

So when I saw this ornament before Thanksgiving there was no question that I needed to get it. Since that time I have misplaced it twice (see yesterday's blog for proof that this is a habit of mine) but was able to find in time for today's appointment. I am often jealous of the people who seem to always know the perfect gift, buy them during the year and have them beautifully wrapped for the appropriate occasion. It is clear that I do not have this skill because even if I knew the perfect gift when I saw it, I would lose it by the time the occasion rolled around.

But, just for today, I was one of THOSE people.

My Mother, Myself

Day 260

I turned an act of absent mindeness into a random act of kindness today. When I was a child I remember times after birthdays and holidays when my mother would come out of her bedroom with a present for me or one of my siblings, saying she had hidden it, and then forgotten about it. We used to laugh and tease her about her memory.

Today I found a small present I had bought for my older son for Christmas. I got it a while ago and hid it (I won't say what or where in case he chooses this day to taken an interest in this blog). And last week I bought him the exact same thing, having forgotten about the hidden item.

I put the found item on a bench with a note. “I hope you know someone who will enjoy this gift.”

I am my mother's daughter.

Thank A Teacher This Season

Day 259

Today's act was actually something my husband and I do on a routine basis. In the system when my kids go to school and my husband teaches there is a scholarship fund that parents can donate to in recognition of their child's teacher. When you make a donation the teacher gets a certificate stating that you have contributed in their honor. It means the world to my husband when he gets one, and our sons' teachers always seem appreciative.

So with the season of giving upon us, we sent in the check along with the list of teachers who have helped the boys so far this year. It's not just because of my husband when I say, you just can't thank teachers enough.

No Return On Kindness

Day 259

I believe today was the first time this year I was a bit cranky AFTER my act of kindness. I was in line at the pharmacy, refilling my supply of Nyquil, having gone through what seems like a few gallons this week. The woman behind me had a small child around two or so who was having a difficult time demonstrating the patience required for standing in line. I told her to go ahead of me, saying I had first hand experince of the joys of waiting in line with child who had other ideas. She said thank you (barely) and took me up on my offer, remarking “I just have one quick return.”

“Quick return.” Isn't it common knowledge that this is an oxymoron? Everyone know there is no such thing as a quick return. And today was no different. Fortunately for me, the manager opened another register to accomodate the delay, and I was headed out of the store while the return was still being processed. I left the store feeling a bit miffed, but my mission was accomplished and kindness had been achieved for another day. And I reminded myself “It's not about me.”

A Case For Kindness

Day 257

I was interviewed tonight via phone for an internet radio show called Brown on Black out of Des Moines Iowa. The host Luana Nelson Brown contacted me a few weeks ago and our first go round was canceled because of technical difficulties. But today it went off without a hitch, aside from me sounding rather nasally from this cold I'm battling. I'm not altogether sure why this counts as my act of kindness for the day, but Luana said it does, so I'm taking her up on the offer.

The main point of the show was that kindness is a key in building community, and that kindness inevitably begets kindness. It was fascinating to have someone ask questions in depth about this blog and what are my thoughts were on the topic. As if I were some sort of expert, which definitely I am not. But it did help to realize that over the course of these eight months, I have become more mindful of being kind and learned that,with some discpline, thoughts do lead to actions. That is the sum total of my expertise.

It was an honor to be part of a discussion the purpose of which was primarly to advance the case for kindness. Thank you Luana.

Thanks For Volunteering

Day 256

I was thankful today for the person ringing for the Salvation Army Kettle campaign outside the grocery store when I ran in for some eggs. Both for the the volunteer work she was doing, for a great cause, and for the opportunity she provided so I could put a dollar in to count as my kind act for the day.

A Dollar A Day Chases The Humbug Away

Day 255

As I ventured out of the house today I was in a rather crabby mood. I am sick with a massive head cold, the second one in three weeks and I really, really wanted to stay home in bed. But alas Christmas errands needed to be done which made me even grouchier. I'm not sure how I, as a Jew (albeit raised in a non-practicing household), have manged to become a contributing part of the materialism that has taken hold of this holiday. But it seems I have, so off I ventured to the shopping plaza feeling irritated by the Christmas music on the radio and resentful that it has been playing since before Thanksgiving.

A plan for kindness was just what I needed to shake the mood. First, I was kind to myself by stopping for a coffee. Not just any coffee, but a fancy one that I don't usually get because they are expensive and fattening and on top of that I have been know to mock other people for ordering such coffees. I then went into a nearby store with five one dollar bills. On each I had put a note that said “A dollar won't get you much these days but I hope that finding this one will put a smile on your face.”

I put one down on a stack of sweatshirts and positioned myself in one of the aisles so I could see what would happen. A store employee found it and I am pleased to report that it did indeed make her smile. She then walked around showing it to her co-workers. And this was just what I needed to brighten my mood. I quickly distributed the other four dollars around the store and left, feeling no need at all to spy on the recipients.

As I walked out, I found myself humming one of the Christmas songs that I had found so annoying earlier.

Honk If You Love Kindness

Day 254

My act of kindness today might be disputed by some. Particularly the driver behind me.

On my way to work I was approaching a green light. The person coming the other direction had her left blinker on and was waiting for someone to stop to let her pass. Apparently she had been there a while since there was quite a back up of cars behind her. I stopped and waved her by, and as I did the light turned from green to yellow to red.

My next minute (although it felt like many more) was spent sitting at the red light while the driver behind me honked his displeasure. Kindness clearly is in the eye of the beholder.

The Natural

Day 253

There is a man who works a store that I stop at occasionally on the way to my sons' school. It seems that he is always there, although I'm fairly certain he isn't. But every single time he is pleasant and jovial to each person he waits on.

Today I made a point to tell him how much I appreciated his manner, and that I looked forward to seeing him when I'm in the store. I'm not sure if this was the first time he had heard this or the 100th. Because he said thank you in the same good-natured tone that he always seems to have.

While I am working at this kindness thing, some people seem to come by it naturally.

Kind of Quiet

Day 252

I did not see my younger son all day today. My husband took him to school, brought him home, and then dropped him off at soccer practice. I picked him up on my way home from work. I was bursting with my usual questions. How was school? What did you do at recess? What happened that was fun today? Did you get your homework done? Typical of most kids his age, so I hear, he is not usually thrilled to answer me. And actually he is much more cooperative with my interrogations than my older soon to be twelve year old son. But still, I am aware that the questions come from my need/desire to know, not not his need to share.

Today I made the decision to be quiet. With every ounce of restraint I could muster, we drove home from soccer in almost complete silence. Aside from my obligatory question “Did you have fun at practice?” and my occasional musings about the Christmas lights we passed, I kept my questions and comments to my self.

I was quite proud of myself, and thought this was a fine act of kindness. Alas, when I asked my son what he thought, he hadn't noticed. Kindness, however, is not always judged what one does. Sometimes it's what one doesn't do.

Kind of Late

Day 251

Waiting in line to get coffee this morning I noticed the woman in back of me looking impatient. The line was unusually long, and the service was a bit on the slow side. I offered to let her go ahead of me, and at first she declined. But I insisted, saying that I would enjoy putting off the start of the work week for a few more minutes.

I arrived at my office two minutes late and absolutely nobody noticed.

No Weekend Off

Day 250

We are on our way home from our trip to the city. Before leaving today we manged to put money in two different Salvation Army kettles (each of the boys took a turn) and my husband helped a woman carry her child in the stroller up the subway stairs. I gave a dollar to some young girls collecting for a fund to help cure a type of childhood cancer. It seemed that while in the city, the opportunities for kindness kept presenting themselves.

Now, it's back to our home with the chores that didn't get done. We make have taken a weekend off from our laundry and house cleaning, but not daily kind deeds.

Big City Small Act

Day 249

My family of country mice took a bus this morning to NYC, traveling to visit family and the King Tut exhibit. My older son has been fascinated with all things Egyptian since he could talk, so this trip was on the must do list. The boys excitement about King Tut (which I can not say or type without thinking of Steve Martin on Saturday Night Live in the late 70's, and yes I'm showing my age) paled in comparison however, to their anticipation of spending the night with their big cousins.

So surely the possibilities to bring our kindness to the big city would be endless. But on the bus, even before 7 am, we spotted our opportunity. Trash.

As we pulled away from the curb to begin our journey, the driver, who so pleasant and cheerful when he took our tickets at 6:15 AM, requested over the PA for people to please utilize the the trash bags in order to leave the bus clean for the next passengers. But we had already noticed that some of the previous passengers had not complied with this simple request. So our crew of country mice became clean up crew as well and made sure there was not a speck of visible trash as we exited the bus.

While I am left thinking that a trip to the big city calls for a flashier, hipper, more interesting act of kindness, in the end we country mice stayed true to our roots.

Bells Will Be Ringing, Again

Day 248

I received an email today desperately seeking more bell ringers for the Salvation Army Kettle campaign. We did it last week but the email prompted us to sign up for another shift. Christmas Eve day you can find my husband, my boys and me ringing as those last minute shoppers rush by.

My Favorite

Day 247

A friend of mine, I shall call her K, decided to celebrate Give Flowers to a Stranger Day yesterday, even though it was NOT the 27th. She gave a bouquet to an elderly woman getting out of her car at the grocery store. The woman was confused at first, and then when she realized the flowers were really for her, from a stranger, she thanked K repeatedly.

K told me that committing this act of kindness helped her get out of a “funky” mood. Which provided inspiration for me today to buy someone a cup of coffee, to help alleviate my funky mood.

People have asked me what is my favorite act of kindness so far this year. Up until now I haven’t really known what to say, but just today I realized the answer. My absolute favorite thing to do is to buy a stranger a cup of coffee. I’ve done this a few times this year in the course of writing this blog and suddenly it occurred to me that, aside from being kind, it’s just plain fun.

My usual “routine” is to give money to the cashier and ask them to use it, after I’m gone, for whomever they think could use a pick me up. Every time I have done this it seems to bring some joy to the cashier. And then I also get to imagine the recipient’s happiness as well. Plus I love coffee. I’m not exactly sure where that fits in here, but I think it must be part of the reason I’m putting this to the top of the list.

Peanut butter and jelly. Nuts and bolts. Kindness and caffeine. They just seem to go together.

The Keys to Kindness

Day 246

While grocery shopping today I noticed a woman with her two children. One was a baby she had in her arms and the other was a girl around two or three pushing a cart, one of the small kind they have in the stores these days for children to push. They weren't around when my kids were younger, which was a good thing because my boys would have absolutely taken down anyone in their path if I had let them push one those around the store.

I was going by the little girl right as she spotted a set of keys on the floor. She picked them up and gave them to her mom. The mom looked at me and asked, hopefully, if they were mine. I said they weren't but I would be happy to take them to the customer service desk for her. She appeared relieved and handed them over.

It does not seem that long ago that I was hauling two children around the grocery store with me and I don't remember it as being a pleasant experience. At all. So I could imagine that a journey to the the front of the store from the back to drop off the keys, with her two kids in tow might have seemed like a chore. Or perhaps I was projecting, based on my own past nightmarish grocery store memories with my own kids.

Either way, I'm considering it kind act squared, both to the finder and the loser of the keys.